Chapter Overview
Rachel convinces Jacob to take her maid to the bedchamber, and Leah, getting jealous for some reason, does the exact same thing. Why??
Jacob gets tired of honoring his agreement with Laban and makes an incredibly one-sided deal to cut it short. For some reason (AKA: Protagonist powers), Laban agrees. Jacob then does a pagan ritual to ensure that everything he takes is the best.
Additional Comments
This entire chapter is a mess. I realize that can be said about a lot of chapters, but it really is. Due to some parallels that exist between Jacob and AbramHam, I suspect Jacob is based off of a retelling of AbramHam. That is to say, they were originally about the same person, but things got distorted after years of oral recounting.
Rachel’s decision makes absolutely no sense, nor does Leah’s right after her.
Jacob’s decision to cut and run early makes perfect sense when you realize that this guy is a terrible negotiator. Not only did he pledge away 14 years of his life, he’s not willing to see the agreement to completion when he’s, at most, got 2.5 years left. And that’s assuming that Leah is popping out a child every 9 months starting with Reuben in the last chapter. If we assume it’s every 11-12 months, then we’re left with about a single year left. He’s nearly done, why not just wait it out and then leave?
The weird ritual that Jacob attempts is apparently supposed to ensure that the sheep and such give birth with coats that are spotted. There is no scientific basis for this whatsoever. Once again, the bible’s inaccuracies in how genetics work shine though and provide yet another reason for discounting it as bronze-age fairy tales to try explain how the world works.
Chapter 30: Jacob Gets Cold Feet
AKA: Honey, It’s Time to D-D-D-D-Do Our Maids!
- And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.
- And Jacob’s anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in God’s stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?
- And she said, Behold my maid Bilhah, go in unto her; and she shall bear upon my knees, that I may also have children by her.
- And she gave him Bilhah her handmaid to wife: and Jacob went in unto her.
- And Bilhah conceived, and bare Jacob a son.
- And Rachel said, God hath judged me, and hath also heard my voice, and hath given me a son: therefore called she his name Dan.
- And Bilhah Rachel’s maid conceived again, and bare Jacob a second son.
- And Rachel said, With great wrestlings have I wrestled with my sister, and I have prevailed: and she called his name Naphtali.
- When Leah saw that she had left bearing, she took Zilpah her maid, and gave her Jacob to wife.
- And Zilpah Leah’s maid bare Jacob a son.
- And Leah said, A troop cometh: and she called his name Gad.
- And Zilpah Leah’s maid bare Jacob a second son.
- And Leah said, Happy am I, for the daughters will call me blessed: and she called his name Asher.
- And Reuben went in the days of wheat harvest, and found mandrakes in the field, and brought them unto his mother Leah. Then Rachel said to Leah, Give me, I pray thee, of thy son’s mandrakes.
- And she said unto her, Is it a small matter that thou hast taken my husband? and wouldest thou take away my son’s mandrakes also? And Rachel said, Therefore he shall lie with thee to night for thy son’s mandrakes.
- And Jacob came out of the field in the evening, and Leah went out to meet him, and said, Thou must come in unto me; for surely I have hired thee with my son’s mandrakes. And he lay with her that night.
- And God hearkened unto Leah, and she conceived, and bare Jacob the fifth son.
- And Leah said, God hath given me my hire, because I have given my maiden to my husband: and she called his name Issachar.
- And Leah conceived again, and bare Jacob the sixth son.
- And Leah said, God hath endued me with a good dowry; now will my husband dwell with me, because I have born him six sons: and she called his name Zebulun.
- And afterwards she bare a daughter, and called her name Dinah.
- And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.
- And she conceived, and bare a son; and said, God hath taken away my reproach:
- And she called his name Joseph; and said, The Lord shall add to me another son.
- And it came to pass, when Rachel had born Joseph, that Jacob said unto Laban, Send me away, that I may go unto mine own place, and to my country.
- Give me my wives and my children, for whom I have served thee, and let me go: for thou knowest my service which I have done thee.
- And Laban said unto him, I pray thee, if I have found favour in thine eyes, tarry: for I have learned by experience that the Lord hath blessed me for thy sake.
- And he said, Appoint me thy wages, and I will give it.
- And he said unto him, Thou knowest how I have served thee, and how thy cattle was with me.
- For it was little which thou hadst before I came, and it is now increased unto a multitude; and the Lord hath blessed thee since my coming: and now when shall I provide for mine own house also?
- And he said, What shall I give thee? And Jacob said, Thou shalt not give me any thing: if thou wilt do this thing for me, I will again feed and keep thy flock.
- I will pass through all thy flock to day, removing from thence all the speckled and spotted cattle, and all the brown cattle among the sheep, and the spotted and speckled among the goats: and of such shall be my hire.
- So shall my righteousness answer for me in time to come, when it shall come for my hire before thy face: every one that is not speckled and spotted among the goats, and brown among the sheep, that shall be counted stolen with me.
- And Laban said, Behold, I would it might be according to thy word.
- And he removed that day the he goats that were ringstraked and spotted, and all the she goats that were speckled and spotted, and every one that had some white in it, and all the brown among the sheep, and gave them into the hand of his sons.
- And he set three days’ journey betwixt himself and Jacob: and Jacob fed the rest of Laban’s flocks.
- And Jacob took him rods of green poplar, and of the hazel and chesnut tree; and pilled white strakes in them, and made the white appear which was in the rods.
- And he set the rods which he had pilled before the flocks in the gutters in the watering troughs when the flocks came to drink, that they should conceive when they came to drink.
- And the flocks conceived before the rods, and brought forth cattle ringstraked, speckled, and spotted.
- And Jacob did separate the lambs, and set the faces of the flocks toward the ringstraked, and all the brown in the flock of Laban; and he put his own flocks by themselves, and put them not unto Laban’s cattle.
- And it came to pass, whensoever the stronger cattle did conceive, that Jacob laid the rods before the eyes of the cattle in the gutters, that they might conceive among the rods.
- But when the cattle were feeble, he put them not in: so the feebler were Laban’s, and the stronger Jacob’s.
- And the man increased exceedingly, and had much cattle, and maidservants, and menservants, and camels, and asses.
- Wouldn’t a kind and benevolent god realize that being a dick and causing her not to have children would cause strife?
- AKA: Stop being melodramatic, I’m not the problem here.
I only wish he actually mentioned that god is a dick for doing this. - There’s no way that this could ever go wrong. Haven’t we seen this before with AbramHam and an Egyptian servant?
- I’m all for doing whoever if your wife is ok with it, but the reasons here aren’t good.
- Technically, shouldn’t this mean he has 3 wives now?
- This isn’t really Rachel’s child though.
- They’re popping out like crazy. This is at least 2 years then?
- What sort of twisted logic does it take to claim “My husband had a child with my maid… victory!!!”
- WTF? Why? Are they in a competition to see how many women they can get him to sleep with now?
- This is just getting stupid now
- We get an entire verse dedicated to naming a kid. Great.
- Get on with it already… just say he had <number> amount of kids
- Why must we be treated to narrative pacing that inflates readtime? Did youtube’s algorithm write this?
- Why does she want mandrakes? Were they thought to have magical healing properties at the time? Or perhaps paralyzing properties? Or some other superstitious nonsense?
- This is rich: Leah, who married Jacob because of a trick her father played, blames Rachel for stealing her husband, who wanted to marry Rachel, not Leah. Is this why people defending the bible reason so strangely?
- Presumably Rachel gave her husband a night of passion with his other wife for a few mandrakes. The question still remains, why? There is nothing special about mandrakes that I know of.
- Good grief man, get off that woman already, you have way to many children!
- Stop wasting our time with entire verses dedicated to naming all these kids already. I guarantee they don’t really matter later.
- …Not again…
- Stop it. This is becoming more annoying to read than this one book series about a gay sword magician I tried reading once. I only gave that book 2 chapters.
- This is at least a bit shorter. Still, I don’t care how many kids this idiot has.
- Oh look, now it’s probably time to repeat all the above, but with rachel this time.
- Why praise god for removing a blockage that he caused?
- We must be getting close to Joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat time.
- Presumably Laban gave Rachel over to Jacob before the (second) 7 years of servitude were up? Isn’t this exactly why you wouldn’t do that?
- Presumably you haven’t fulfilled your end of the agreement. There’s no reason to get annoyed at Laban due to your choice to be in servitude.
- I can agree with the call to stay, but Laban really should be pointing out that Jacob agreed to this without any pushing from Laban.
- That wasn’t part of the agreement. The payment asked for was Rachel.
- Presumably Jacob to Laban here, because this makes no sense otherwise. This narrative is terribly structured.
- Did one guy really work so hard that he managed to outperform everyone else? This sounds like he’s taking credit for everyone else’s work here. Any probably getting away with it.
- Didn’t Jacob demand payment a little bit ago? Laban seems to be having trouble remembering things in his (presumably) old age.
- After just saying “Pay me. No wait give me nothing”, Jacob now demands to be given a presumably large amount of cattle, sheep, and goats. Because he has main character powers, we know that he’s going to get away with it.
- This is presented as a fair trade… it’s really not. It’s basically Jacob bitching by saying “I’ll take a lot of your stuff, my kids, and your daughters who are my wives because I worked for you to get a wife.” Why would Laban agree?
- No, you fool, there is literally no reason for you to do this.
- This tale is one huge narrative mess. It’s almost like there were three conflicting accounts that the author(s) tried to smash together into one mess. Like any time someone smashes things together, the mess really shows through.
- Isn’t this very reminiscent of the tale of AbramHam and his brother? Sounds like Jacob is a retelling of AbramHams story.
- This is incredibly specific. We really don’t care nor need to know any of this stuff though. Just say “Jacob fashioned some rods”.
- Jacob believes that what the sheep see when they conceive (presumably while drinking) will change something? That does absolutely nothing. He’s mad if he thinks it will.
- But why? There is no reason to do any of this. It is needlessly complicated and accomplishes nothing.
- At least he’s honoring the incredibly one-sided agreement that Laban agreed to for some reason… I’m really not sure why Laban would have done so. This almost sounds like he’s doing a slow/long term cattle rustling operation.
- The bibles says that the area a flock gives birth in changes coat coloration. The bible is clearly not a good source of information. What sort of pagan ritual is this, and why would Jacob try it?
- Sounds like Jacob is doing anything that he can do sneakily to ruin Laban after Jacob leaves.
- This sounds like the start of AbramHam’s journey too where he suddenly became super rich.