Tag: Bible Deconstructed

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 20

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 22

1. And the Lord visited Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did unto Sarah as he had spoken.
   
2. For Sarah conceived, and bare Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had spoken to him.
   
3. And Abraham called the name of his son that was born unto him, whom Sarah bare to him, Isaac.
   
4. And Abraham circumcised his son Isaac being eight days old, as God had commanded him.
   
5. And Abraham was an hundred years old, when his son Isaac was born unto him.
   
6. And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me.
   
7. And she said, Who would have said unto Abraham, that Sarah should have given children suck? for I have born him a son in his old age.
   
8. And the child grew, and was weaned: and Abraham made a great feast the same day that Isaac was weaned.
   
9. And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking.
   
10.  Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac.
    
11. And the thing was very grievous in Abraham’s sight because of his son.
    
12. And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called.
    
13. And also of the son of the bondwoman will I make a nation, because he is thy seed.
    
14. And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and took bread, and a bottle of water, and gave it unto Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, and the child, and sent her away: and she departed, and wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba.
    
15. And the water was spent in the bottle, and she cast the child under one of the shrubs.
    
16. And she went, and sat her down over against him a good way off, as it were a bow shot: for she said, Let me not see the death of the child. And she sat over against him, and lift up her voice, and wept.
    
17. And God heard the voice of the lad; and the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven, and said unto her, What aileth thee, Hagar? fear not; for God hath heard the voice of the lad where he is.
    
18. Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him in thine hand; for I will make him a great nation.
    
19. And God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water; and she went, and filled the bottle with water, and gave the lad drink.
    
20. And God was with the lad; and he grew, and dwelt in the wilderness, and became an archer.
    
21. And he dwelt in the wilderness of Paran: and his mother took him a wife out of the land of Egypt.
    
22. And it came to pass at that time, that Abimelech and Phichol the chief captain of his host spake unto Abraham, saying, God is with thee in all that thou doest:
    
23. Now therefore swear unto me here by God that thou wilt not deal falsely with me, nor with my son, nor with my son’s son: but according to the kindness that I have done unto thee, thou shalt do unto me, and to the land wherein thou hast sojourned.
    
24. And Abraham said, I will swear.
    
25. And Abraham reproved Abimelech because of a well of water, which Abimelech’s servants had violently taken away.
    
26. And Abimelech said, I wot not who hath done this thing; neither didst thou tell me, neither yet heard I of it, but to day.
    
27. And Abraham took sheep and oxen, and gave them unto Abimelech; and both of them made a covenant.
    
28. And Abraham set seven ewe lambs of the flock by themselves.
    
29. And Abimelech said unto Abraham, What mean these seven ewe lambs which thou hast set by themselves?
    
30. And he said, For these seven ewe lambs shalt thou take of my hand, that they may be a witness unto me, that I have digged this well.
    
31. Wherefore he called that place Beersheba; because there they sware both of them.
    
32. Thus they made a covenant at Beersheba: then Abimelech rose up, and Phichol the chief captain of his host, and they returned into the land of the Philistines.
    
33. And Abraham planted a grove in Beersheba, and called there on the name of the Lord, the everlasting God.
    
34. And Abraham sojourned in the Philistines’ land many days.

1. Presumably this doesn’t mean to imply that god decided to get it on with Sarah now…
   
2. For the “inspired word of god”, this misses the fact that it’s more impressive that Sarah is old, not AbramHam
   
3. That follows.
   
   
   
4. Double checked, it is indeed 8 days.
   
   
   
5. Double checked that too. He was 99, claimed he’ll have one at 100.
   
6. I thought that god was annoyed that Sarah didn’t believe him earlier. Does she find it funny that she had a son now?
   
7. This should really call more attention to the fact that AbramHam’s age isn’t really the impressive factor here.
   
   
8. A great feast for a kid that’s probably a year or two old? That’s a bad meal to start with.
   
9. Mocking? How so? There’s no mention of why she is.
   
   
10. Sounds like Sarah really doesn’t like her Egyptian slave. Given that she beat her for doing what she was ordered to do, I can’t imagine why.
    
11. Well duh. How many today would easily do something like this?
    
12. Apparently god is chill with this despicable act though. Kicking them out for the mere reason that Sarah doesn’t like the fact that her son isn’t the only one around is not a good thing to sponsor.
    
    
13. It’s totally good though because your kid will form a nation of his own!
    
14. Kicking out your mistress and illegitimate child is A-OK if you provide them with 1 bottle of water and a loaf of bread.
    
    
    
    
15. It seems like AbramHam was trying to kill them here. 1 water bottle only?
    
16. How long would it take for her to die after Ishmael does?
    
    
    
    
17. AKA: We heard the kid first, not you.
    
    
    
    
    
18. AKA: The kid is important, not you.
    
    
19. Sounds like she wasn’t looking very clearly she missed something right in front of her.
    
    
20. We’ll probably never hear about Hagar again because the author stresses how important the males are, not females.
    
21. Returned to Egypt in the end, perhaps?
    
    
    
22. Remember Abimelech from last chapter? Apparently he’s fine with AbramHam despite the little ruse AbramHam pulled over him.
    
23. AKA: Don’t lie to me again.
    
    
    
    
    
    
24. AKA: OK
    
25. AbramHam immediately tells Abimelech, a king, that his servants messed up. In a way, it sounds like AbramHam blames Abimelech for it.
    
26. AKA: Why are you blaming me for things that I didn’t know about? Such as your sister being your wife?
    
27. They really like forming covenants. How many are actually kept?
    
    
28. Because 7 is a sacred number kids. Numerology!
    
29. Sounds like a reasonable question.
    
    
    
30. AbramHam is giving up some ewes to buy Abimelech’s compliance in saying that AbramHam dug a well that sounds like it was already there?
    
31. This name has no meaning in English.
    
    
32. Everyone heads home.
    
    
    
    
33. For anything in particular? Or did he just shout god’s name into the wind?
    
    
34. No mention of why he’s here though.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 19

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 21

1. And Abraham journeyed from thence toward the south country, and dwelled between Kadesh and Shur, and sojourned in Gerar.
   
2. And Abraham said of Sarah his wife, She is my sister: and Abimelech king of Gerar sent, and took Sarah.
   
3. But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night, and said to him, Behold, thou art but a dead man, for the woman which thou hast taken; for she is a man’s wife.
   
4. But Abimelech had not come near her: and he said, Lord, wilt thou slay also a righteous nation?
   
5. Said he not unto me, She is my sister? and she, even she herself said, He is my brother: in the integrity of my heart and innocency of my hands have I done this.
   
6. And God said unto him in a dream, Yea, I know that thou didst this in the integrity of thy heart; for I also withheld thee from sinning against me: therefore suffered I thee not to touch her.
   
7. Now therefore restore the man his wife; for he is a prophet, and he shall pray for thee, and thou shalt live: and if thou restore her not, know thou that thou shalt surely die, thou, and all that are thine.
   
8. Therefore Abimelech rose early in the morning, and called all his servants, and told all these things in their ears: and the men were sore afraid.
   
9. Then Abimelech called Abraham, and said unto him, What hast thou done unto us? and what have I offended thee, that thou hast brought on me and on my kingdom a great sin? thou hast done deeds unto me that ought not to be done.
   
10. And Abimelech said unto Abraham, What sawest thou, that thou hast done this thing?
    
11. And Abraham said, Because I thought, Surely the fear of God is not in this place; and they will slay me for my wife’s sake.
    
12. And yet indeed she is my sister; she is the daughter of my father, but not the daughter of my mother; and she became my wife.
    
13. And it came to pass, when God caused me to wander from my father’s house, that I said unto her, This is thy kindness which thou shalt shew unto me; at every place whither we shall come, say of me, He is my brother.
    
14. And Abimelech took sheep, and oxen, and menservants, and womenservants, and gave them unto Abraham, and restored him Sarah his wife.
    
15. And Abimelech said, Behold, my land is before thee: dwell where it pleaseth thee.
    
16. And unto Sarah he said, Behold, I have given thy brother a thousand pieces of silver: behold, he is to thee a covering of the eyes, unto all that are with thee, and with all other: thus she was reproved.
    
17. So Abraham prayed unto God: and God healed Abimelech, and his wife, and his maidservants; and they bare children.
    
18. For the Lord had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah Abraham’s wife.

1. Why is AbramHam journeying? Towards “the South” again too?
   
   
   
2. This is the second time we’ve seen this. Why is AbramHam so insistent on hiding the fact that she’s his wife?
   
3. Why does god decide to intercede in this case before they get it on? He was quite happy to let the Pharaoh and Sarah get jiggy and then release plagues.
   
4. What a nice guy. Probably just let the old lady have a nibble and a nap.
   
   
5. Here he makes a good case. Why didn’t this work for the Pharaoh? Why did the Pharaoh get plagues? I suspect the writer just hates Egypt for something.
   
6. Did what from the integrity of the heart? Not sleep with an old lady? This sounds like it’s supposed to be a second tale of AbramHam’s journey south, just to this city instead of Egypt.
   
7. AKA: Don’t put your dick in that and let her go.
   I’m really wondering why the king took her in anyways. We’re given literally no reason for him to do so.
   
8. Sounds like he’s behaving just as reasonable about this as the Pharaoh was. What a swell guy. He must really have the hots for Sarah.
   
9. Basically the same as Genesis 12:18-19.
   “””And Pharaoh called Abram and said, What is this that thou hast done unto me? why didst thou not tell me that she was thy wife?”””
   
   
10. Also a very reasonable question. Why does AbramHam fear for his life at all.
    
11. But why? Why would they kill you if you’re travelling with your wife? It seems like AbramHam and Sarah don’t like each other.
    
12. Very incestuous. He’s been lying through omission then. Telling part of the truth while leaving out important bits is still a lie. Strange that god seems to be ok with this.
    
13. But why? Why would you want to have her say she’s your sister, not wife? Do you not like her? Are you ashamed of marrying your sister? I’d expect the king to start asking a lot of pressing questions about now.
    
14. This would be a better explanation for how AbramHam became incredibly wealthy. It’s not anymore because in the narrative, this is after the godly name change.
    
15. But why? It seems like a better plan would be to kick him out like the Pharaoh did.
    
16. What a nice king… he makes sure to tell the old woman that she has nothing to worry about and that he’s ensuring her husband is rich. Even though there is no reason for him to give AbramHam anything.
    
17. This is apparently supposed to be the reason for the king helping? Why was the need for healing not mentioned earlier?
    
18. Just how long were they here? This implies many years if not decades if they were having trouble getting pregnant.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 18

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 20

1. And there came two angels to Sodom at even; and Lot sat in the gate of Sodom: and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them; and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground;
   
2. And he said, Behold now, my lords, turn in, I pray you, into your servant’s house, and tarry all night, and wash your feet, and ye shall rise up early, and go on your ways. And they said, Nay; but we will abide in the street all night.
   
3. And he pressed upon them greatly; and they turned in unto him, and entered into his house; and he made them a feast, and did bake unleavened bread, and they did eat.
   
4. But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter:
   
5. And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.
   
6. And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him,
   
7. And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly.
   
8. Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.
   
9. And they said, Stand back. And they said again, This one fellow came in to sojourn, and he will needs be a judge: now will we deal worse with thee, than with them. And they pressed sore upon the man, even Lot, and came near to break the door.
   
10. But the men put forth their hand, and pulled Lot into the house to them, and shut to the door.
    
11. And they smote the men that were at the door of the house with blindness, both small and great: so that they wearied themselves to find the door.
    
12. And the men said unto Lot, Hast thou here any besides? son in law, and thy sons, and thy daughters, and whatsoever thou hast in the city, bring them out of this place:
    
13. For we will destroy this place, because the cry of them is waxen great before the face of the Lord; and the Lord hath sent us to destroy it.
    
14. And Lot went out, and spake unto his sons in law, which married his daughters, and said, Up, get you out of this place; for the Lord will destroy this city. But he seemed as one that mocked unto his sons in law.
    
15. And when the morning arose, then the angels hastened Lot, saying, Arise, take thy wife, and thy two daughters, which are here; lest thou be consumed in the iniquity of the city.
    
16. And while he lingered, the men laid hold upon his hand, and upon the hand of his wife, and upon the hand of his two daughters; the Lord being merciful unto him: and they brought him forth, and set him without the city.
    
17. And it came to pass, when they had brought them forth abroad, that he said, Escape for thy life; look not behind thee, neither stay thou in all the plain; escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed.
    
18. And Lot said unto them, Oh, not so, my Lord:
    
19. Behold now, thy servant hath found grace in thy sight, and thou hast magnified thy mercy, which thou hast shewed unto me in saving my life; and I cannot escape to the mountain, lest some evil take me, and I die:
    
20. Behold now, this city is near to flee unto, and it is a little one: Oh, let me escape thither, (is it not a little one?) and my soul shall live.
    
21. And he said unto him, See, I have accepted thee concerning this thing also, that I will not overthrow this city, for the which thou hast spoken.
    
22. Haste thee, escape thither; for I cannot do anything till thou be come thither. Therefore the name of the city was called Zoar.
    
23. The sun was risen upon the earth when Lot entered into Zoar.
    
24. Then the Lord rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the Lord out of heaven;
    
25. And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground.
    
26. But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.
    
27. And Abraham gat up early in the morning to the place where he stood before the Lord:
    
28. And he looked toward Sodom and Gomorrah, and toward all the land of the plain, and beheld, and, lo, the smoke of the country went up as the smoke of a furnace.
    
29. And it came to pass, when God destroyed the cities of the plain, that God remembered Abraham, and sent Lot out of the midst of the overthrow, when he overthrew the cities in the which Lot dwelt.
    
30. And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.
    
31. And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
    
32. Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
    
33. And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
    
34. And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
    
35. And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
    
36. Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.
    
37. And the first born bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day.
    
38. And the younger, she also bare a son, and called his name Benammi: the same is the father of the children of Ammon unto this day.

1. Why are there some angels here? Given the context of the last chapter, god was going to be checking out Sodom to see if there were at least 10 people who were righteous.
   
2. Apparently Lot realized these were angels and is doing everything in his power to curry favor with the god of genocide. I can’t imagine why anyone would do that.
   
   
   
3. He annoys them so much that they finally cave and go to his house for the night. What a swell guy.
   
   
   
4. That’s gotta be a lot of people.
   
   
   
   
5. How many people saw these guys show up? Just how fast does word spread about new arrivals in town. Do all arrivals get this treatment?
   
6. Facing them on his own apparently.
   
   
7. Good advice, don’t do anything wicked to these guys.
   
8. Instead, do whatever you would want to my daughters instead? What sort of idiot is this guy? This would be incredibly cruel to, and not to mention incredibly painful for, his daughters to have a mob do whatever they want to them. Why save him?
   
9. This verse uses a somewhat hard to follow turn of phrase that shows up a lot in the bible. The “upon the man, even Lot” means that the man in question here is Lot.
   
   
   
10. Presumably the Angels, not the men.
    
    
    
11. You think the people outside would realize something strange was going on.
    
    
    
12. How many are there? Are there at least 10? Counting Lot and his two daughters, that’s at least 3. We only need 7 more.
    
    
13. Sounds like god had made up his mind and was just humoring AbramHam in chapter 18.
    
    
14. Wait… he has sons in law, who married his daughters? The same daughters he was offering to the crowds? Shouldn’t they be angry about that happening?
    
    
15. These angels determined, in a single night where they slept at Lot’s house, that he, his wife, and his daughters were the only ones who were righteous in the city?
    
    
16. This continually changes back and forth between “men” and “angels” which makes this somewhat hard to follow. Presumably, the “men” here are the angels that stayed over at Lot’s place for a single evening to judge the city.
    
17. Run away!
    
    
    
    
    
18. Lot doesn’t seem willing to run though.
    
    
19. Didn’t he spend most of his youth travelling through mountains and such? Why is he so worried about that now? Is it because, like AbramHam, he’s old?
    
    
20. It’s such a small city, surely nothing bad can happen in a small city! We all know big cities are bad, but small cities are always upstanding!
    
21. AKA: Plot demands that Lot live in a city, so the angels agree.
    
    
    
22. Did they just name the city Zoar now? This implies that it might have had another name and they decided to call it Zoar.
    
    
23. Journey to the <Cardinal direction here>
    
    
24. I’m still not entirely sure why though. Our only claims to these guys being wicked was a single interaction.
    
25. AKA: God murders things, part 2: Fire and brimstone boogaloo.
    
    
26. I thought they were already in Zoar?
    
    
27. Why though?
    
    
    
28. Presumably he lives somewhat close to there. Why didn’t he get turned into a block of salt?
    
    
29. This could have been the entire chapter up to this point. Why was everything else included?
    
    
    
30. I thought he wanted to live in a city though and was afraid of the mountains?
    
    
    
31. Why not? Presumably they’re younger and pretty, I’m sure they can seduce someone. This sounds like Lot made excuses after the fact to do his daughters.
    
32. Just remember, keeping it in the family is a valuable tradition that we find in the bible.
    
    
33. They must have got him REALLY drunk then. Presumably, she saw her father naked here… why is this ok when Noah’s nakedness was not?
    
34. It worked so well the first time, so lemme get some of the action!
    
    
    
    
    
35. This is almost an exact copy of verse 33.
    
    
    
    
36. Did Lot never notice this later on in life? No suspicions about them getting pregnant when they live in the mountains now with no others around?
    
37. Apparently plot demands we explain how some random tribe came to be so we can hate them and be better than them.
    
38. And apparently plot demands we explain how this other tribe came to be as well.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 17

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 19

1. And the Lord appeared unto him in the plains of Mamre: and he sat in the tent door in the heat of the day;
   
2. And he lift up his eyes and looked, and, lo, three men stood by him: and when he saw them, he ran to meet them from the tent door, and bowed himself toward the ground,
   
3. And said, My Lord, if now I have found favour in thy sight, pass not away, I pray thee, from thy servant:
   
4. Let a little water, I pray you, be fetched, and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree:
   
5. And I will fetch a morsel of bread, and comfort ye your hearts; after that ye shall pass on: for therefore are ye come to your servant. And they said, So do, as thou hast said.
   
6. And Abraham hastened into the tent unto Sarah, and said, Make ready quickly three measures of fine meal, knead it, and make cakes upon the hearth.
   
7. And Abraham ran unto the herd, and fetcht a calf tender and good, and gave it unto a young man; and he hasted to dress it.
   
8. And he took butter, and milk, and the calf which he had dressed, and set it before them; and he stood by them under the tree, and they did eat.
   
9. And they said unto him, Where is Sarah thy wife? And he said, Behold, in the tent.
   
10. And he said, I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and, lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son. And Sarah heard it in the tent door, which was behind him.
    
11. Now Abraham and Sarah were old and well stricken in age; and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.
    
12. Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?
    
13. And the Lord said unto Abraham, Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old?
    
14. Is any thing too hard for the Lord? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.
    
15. Then Sarah denied, saying, I laughed not; for she was afraid. And he said, Nay; but thou didst laugh.
    
16. And the men rose up from thence, and looked toward Sodom: and Abraham went with them to bring them on the way.
    
17. And the Lord said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do;
    
18. Seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him?
    
19. For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.
    
20. And the Lord said, Because the cry of Sodom and Gomorrah is great, and because their sin is very grievous;
    
21. I will go down now, and see whether they have done altogether according to the cry of it, which is come unto me; and if not, I will know.
    
22. And the men turned their faces from thence, and went toward Sodom: but Abraham stood yet before the Lord.
    
23. And Abraham drew near, and said, Wilt thou also destroy the righteous with the wicked?
    
24. Peradventure there be fifty righteous within the city: wilt thou also destroy and not spare the place for the fifty righteous that are therein?
    
25. That be far from thee to do after this manner, to slay the righteous with the wicked: and that the righteous should be as the wicked, that be far from thee: Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?
    
26. And the Lord said, If I find in Sodom fifty righteous within the city, then I will spare all the place for their sakes.
    
27. And Abraham answered and said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the Lord, which am but dust and ashes:
    
28. Peradventure there shall lack five of the fifty righteous: wilt thou destroy all the city for lack of five? And he said, If I find there forty and five, I will not destroy it.
    
29. And he spake unto him yet again, and said, Peradventure there shall be forty found there. And he said, I will not do it for forty’s sake.
    
30. And he said unto him, Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak: Peradventure there shall thirty be found there. And he said, I will not do it, if I find thirty there.
    
31. And he said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the Lord: Peradventure there shall be twenty found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for twenty’s sake.
    
32. And he said, Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak yet but this once: Peradventure ten shall be found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for ten’s sake.
    
33. And the Lord went his way, as soon as he had left communing with Abraham: and Abraham returned unto his place.

1. I presume we’re talking about AbramHam here.
   
   
2. I thought this was supposed to be god, not some random men? Are there 4 (god + 3 men) or 3 men total?
   
   
   
3. Sounds like giving things to men walking by is looked upon pretty well.
   
   
4. He’s acting like a decent host at least. Maybe that’ll keep him from having plagues tossed at him like the Pharaoh.
   
5. He’s really laying into this heavily. I wonder if they tell him to get on with it in order to stop additional bowing and scraping (or anything else to that effect)
   
   
6. Sounds like there’s a total of three people he’s bringing food to. Is god one of them them?
   
   
7. He certainly doesn’t mess around about using his cattle for food if the situation demands.
   
8. Did he cook that calf at all?
   
   
   
   
9. Again… not omniscient
   
   
10. So he’s just here for a quick snack and a visit this time?
    
    
    
11. AKA: They gave up on trying to fulfill Genesis 1:28. And Genesis 9:1.
    
    
12. She finds the idea of two old people who don’t get it on anymore having a child hard to imagine. I can’t imagine why.
    
13. No, she didn’t say that. See the previous verse for what she said.
    
    
14. Finding alternatives to destroying the world was certainly too hard. And so was providing a text that has any reason to believe it, apparently.
    
15. If she made no noise, and was merely amused by the idea, did she really laugh?
    
    
16. These fellows leave and AbramHam decides to go with them for a while?
    
    
17. I think this is the first time he consults with a human on what he should do?
    
18. Well… technically Abraham does not become a great and mighty nation. His kids end up forming one.
    
19. A bit odd to speak about the guy in front of you as though he’s not here. Almost sounds like he’s musing out loud.
    
    
    
    
20. But why? What things have they done? Has god given any commands other than get laid and don’t kill people?
    
21. At least he’s checking things out and talking to people before jumping straight to the genociding business he’s so good at…
    
22. Bye angel dudes.
    
    
    
23. Thus begins the long haggling process. Why this is done at all is weird as god, who knows all, would know how many are there.
    
24. Seems reasonable. It also seems like a powerful god would be able to find a way to get around killing the righteous with the unrighteous.
    
25. This is a surprisingly reasonable argument. “You’re the final judge of everything, so shouldn’t you make sure you’re doing everything in a just manner?”
    
    
26. What about if there were 50 righteous on the face o f the planet before you flooded it?
    
27. AbramHam is quite self deprecating here. Talking down a genocidal god must be pretty terrifying.
    
28. This is starting to sound like another argument I’ve heard. If you add grains of sand together, one at a time, when does it become a pile?
    
29. Where was this willingness to overlook evil for righteousness’s sake back when he killed off literally everything?
    
    
30. This is starting to make me wonder if there were several works that were grouped into one here. One where he stated 50, another 45, another 20, and another 10.
    
31. If this logic is to be followed, then eventually you’d get down to keeping the city that is “wicked” somehow just because righteous people live in the world.
    
32. Seems like AbramHam was able to make a compelling enough case to talk god down from a local and specific murder of thousands.
    
33. Given that god is allegedly omniscient, wouldn’t he already know that Lot is the only righteous guy in the city?

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 16

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 18

1. And when Abram was ninety years old and nine, the Lord appeared to Abram, and said unto him, I am the Almighty God; walk before me, and be thou perfect.
   
2. And I will make my covenant between me and thee, and will multiply thee exceedingly.
   
3. And Abram fell on his face: and God talked with him, saying,
   
4. As for me, behold, my covenant is with thee, and thou shalt be a father of many nations.
   
5. Neither shall thy name any more be called Abram, but thy name shall be Abraham; for a father of many nations have I made thee.
   
6. And I will make thee exceeding fruitful, and I will make nations of thee, and kings shall come out of thee.
   
7. And I will establish my covenant between me and thee and thy seed after thee in their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be a God unto thee, and to thy seed after thee.
   
8. And I will give unto thee, and to thy seed after thee, the land wherein thou art a stranger, all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession; and I will be their God.
   
9. And God said unto Abraham, Thou shalt keep my covenant therefore, thou, and thy seed after thee in their generations.
   
10. This is my covenant, which ye shall keep, between me and you and thy seed after thee; Every man child among you shall be circumcised.
    
11. And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you.
    
12. And he that is eight days old shall be circumcised among you, every man child in your generations, he that is born in the house, or bought with money of any stranger, which is not of thy seed.
    
13. He that is born in thy house, and he that is bought with thy money, must needs be circumcised: and my covenant shall be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant.
    
14. And the uncircumcised man child whose flesh of his foreskin is not circumcised, that soul shall be cut off from his people; he hath broken my covenant.
    
15. And God said unto Abraham, As for Sarai thy wife, thou shalt not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall her name be.
    
16. And I will bless her, and give thee a son also of her: yea, I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of people shall be of her.
    
17. Then Abraham fell upon his face, and laughed, and said in his heart, Shall a child be born unto him that is an hundred years old? and shall Sarah, that is ninety years old, bear?
    
18. And Abraham said unto God, O that Ishmael might live before thee!
    
19. And God said, Sarah thy wife shall bear thee a son indeed; and thou shalt call his name Isaac: and I will establish my covenant with him for an everlasting covenant, and with his seed after him.
    
20. And as for Ishmael, I have heard thee: Behold, I have blessed him, and will make him fruitful, and will multiply him exceedingly; twelve princes shall he beget, and I will make him a great nation.
    
21. But my covenant will I establish with Isaac, which Sarah shall bear unto thee at this set time in the next year.
    
22. And he left off talking with him, and God went up from Abraham.
    
23. And Abraham took Ishmael his son, and all that were born in his house, and all that were bought with his money, every male among the men of Abraham’s house; and circumcised the flesh of their foreskin in the selfsame day, as God had said unto him.
    
24. And Abraham was ninety years old and nine, when he was circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin.
    
25. And Ishmael his son was thirteen years old, when he was circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin.
    
26. In the selfsame day was Abraham circumcised, and Ishmael his son.
    
27. And all the men of his house, born in the house, and bought with money of the stranger, were circumcised with him.

1. The demands of perfection from this old dude seem pretty demanding. AbramHam’s already messed up quite a bit, why should he stop now?
   
2. This almost sounds like god is about to repeat the covenant yet again. This is the third or fourth time?
   
3. Sounds like a reasonable response when god keeps repeating himself.
   
4. This is sounding pretty familiar
   
   
   
5. Not sure why this is. Is it related to Canaan being owned by Ham? Abram + Ham = Abraham?
   
6. If we’re to believe this, the guy is 99 years old, has 1 child, and is probably getting quite infirm.
   
7. Yep, this is pretty much doing the same thing as every other time god shows up to talk about the covenant.
   
   
   
8. Ham has nothing to say in all of this? Does god honor the curse that Noah laid on Ham then? Does god support seeing someone lying naked and getting help for them as a valid reason to curse them?
   
9. AKA: You do as I say and nothing gets broken
   
   
10. Why does god want fleshy bits cut off? What does that accomplish? Does god really need a reminder of who his people are? Is he not omnipotent? (probably not)
    
11. But why?
    
    
    
12. That sounds like it would be really painful. Any women in the area were probably grateful for a few weeks reprieve while the men’s stickers settled down.
    
    
13. AKA: Even if these people don’t follow your faith, you better do the same to them when you buy slaves. Never mind that they probably won’t be too happy about this.
    
14. Presumably, people have failed to have been circumcised in the past. Does circumcising in a later generation bring this covenant back?
    
15. Why this name change? This is reminding me of Japan with their name changes during the sengoku jidai era.
    
16. So now it’s time to let Sarai…. er… Sarah know that she will be having children, eh?
    
    
    
17. You’re 99.. you have a long ways off, right?
    
    
    
    
    
18. Is he having regrets about having a son already?
    
19. Why not let the father and mother choose the name for once? Seems like god is playing Aphrodite with the OTPs and naming here.
    
    
20. Wasn’t he supposed to be fighting everything around him because he’s so unruly?
    
    
    
21. Got it, Isaac should be born when AbramHam is 91 years old.
    
    
22. Just imagine god running away shouting “PEACE!”
    
23. Well… the god told us we need to perform self mutilation to keep in his favor, so time to perform that mutilation!
    
    
    
    
24. Unless this took place long after, I’m not sure why they repeat his age here.
    
    
    At least he’d heal somewhat quickly.
    
    
    
25. The department of redundancy department called…
    
26. … They want their redundancy back.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 15

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 17

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 14

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 16

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 13

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 15

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 12

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 14

1. And Abram went up out of Egypt, he, and his wife, and all that he had, and Lot with him, into the south.
   
2. And Abram was very rich in cattle, in silver, and in gold.
   
3. And he went on his journeys from the south even to Bethel, unto the place where his tent had been at the beginning, between Bethel and Hai;
   
4. Unto the place of the altar, which he had make there at the first: and there Abram called on the name of the Lord.
   
5. And Lot also, which went with Abram, had flocks, and herds, and tents.
   
6. And the land was not able to bear them, that they might dwell together: for their substance was great, so that they could not dwell together.
   
7. And there was a strife between the herdmen of Abram’s cattle and the herdmen of Lot’s cattle: and the Canaanite and the Perizzite dwelled then in the land.
   
8. And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren.
   
9. Is not the whole land before thee? separate thyself, I pray thee, from me: if thou wilt take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if thou depart to the right hand, then I will go to the left.
   
10. And Lot lifted up his eyes, and beheld all the plain of Jordan, that it was well watered every where, before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, even as the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt, as thou comest unto Zoar.
    
11. Then Lot chose him all the plain of Jordan; and Lot journeyed east: and they separated themselves the one from the other.
    
12. Abram dwelled in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelled in the cities of the plain, and pitched his tent toward Sodom.
    
13. But the men of Sodom were wicked and sinners before the Lord exceedingly.
    
14. And the Lord said unto Abram, after that Lot was separated from him, Lift up now thine eyes, and look from the place where thou art northward, and southward, and eastward, and westward:
    
15. For all the land which thou seest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed for ever.
    
16. And I will make thy seed as the dust of the earth: so that if a man can number the dust of the earth, then shall thy seed also be numbered.
    
17. Arise, walk through the land in the length of it and in the breadth of it; for I will give it unto thee.
    
18. Then Abram removed his tent, and came and dwelt in the plain of Mamre, which is in Hebron, and built there an altar unto the Lord.

1. Lot suddenly shows up here. There’s no mention of him being in Egypt in the previous chapter.
   
2. Where would he have received all of this? From the Pharaoh while pimping Sarai?
   
3. Also note that if he had all these cattle at the time of the famine, he preferred to leave everyone to starve rather than give up some cattle for food.
   
4. I’m pretty sure he’s called on the name of the lord a few times by now. Which time are we talking?
   
5. Again… why would they have all of this? Seems like a hassle.
   
6. See also: Cattle and sheep probably grazed too much and started to kill off all of the grass around.
   
   
7. Where did these herdmen come from? I thought it was just Abram and Lot?
   
   
   
8. Sounds reasonable. Simply asking “Why are we fighting? Aren’t we brothers?”
   
   
   
9. “Let’s just go separate ways so we don’t have to fight over resources. Our herds are so massive that we can’t have them in the same place.”
   
   
10. See this? This is called foreshadowing kids. Keep those cities in mind for later.
    
    
    
    
    
11. An amicable separation at least. Doesn’t seem like anyone lied to the other for this one to happen.
    
12. Sounds like Lot has a thing for the city of Sodom.
    
    
13. Foreshadowing! Note that it doesn’t specify WHY they are wicked
    
14. So…. look all around you?
    
    
    
    
    
15. Including the Jordan plain which Lot just settled on?
    
16. That would be a lot of people.
    
    
    
    
17. Again, remember that this is the land of Canaan, which technically belongs to Ham, Noah’s son.
    
18. And yet another altar.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 11

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 13

1. Now the Lord had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father’s house, unto a land that I will shew thee:
   
2. And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing:
   
3. And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.
   
4. So Abram departed, as the Lord had spoken unto him; and Lot went with him: and Abram was seventy and five years old when he departed out of Haran.
   
5. And Abram took Sarai his wife, and Lot his brother’s son, and all their substance that they had gathered, and the souls that they had gotten in Haran; and they went forth to go into the land of Canaan; and into the land of Canaan they came.
   
6. And Abram passed through the land unto the place of Sichem, unto the plain of Moreh. And the Canaanite was then in the land.
   
7. And the Lord appeared unto Abram, and said, Unto thy seed will I give this land: and there builded he an altar unto the Lord, who appeared unto him.
   
8. And he removed from thence unto a mountain on the east of Bethel, and pitched his tent, having Bethel on the west, and Hai on the east: and there he builded an altar unto the Lord, and called upon the name of the Lord.
   
9. And Abram journeyed, going on still toward the south.
   
10. And there was a famine in the land: and Abram went down into Egypt to sojourn there; for the famine was grievous in the land.
    
11. And it came to pass, when he was come near to enter into Egypt, that he said unto Sarai his wife, Behold now, I know that thou art a fair woman to look upon:
    
12. Therefore it shall come to pass, when the Egyptians shall see thee, that they shall say, This is his wife: and they will kill me, but they will save thee alive.
    
13. Say, I pray thee, thou art my sister: that it may be well with me for thy sake; and my soul shall live because of thee.
    
14. And it came to pass, that, when Abram was come into Egypt, the Egyptians beheld the woman that she was very fair.
    
15. The princes also of Pharaoh saw her, and commended her before Pharaoh: and the woman was taken into Pharaoh’s house.
    
16. And he entreated Abram well for her sake: and he had sheep, and oxen, and he asses, and menservants, and maidservants, and she asses, and camels.
    
17. And the Lord plagued Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai Abram’s wife.
    
18. And Pharaoh called Abram and said, What is this that thou hast done unto me? why didst thou not tell me that she was thy wife?
    
19. Why saidst thou, She is my sister? so I might have taken her to me to wife: now therefore behold thy wife, take her, and go thy way.
    
20. And Pharaoh commanded his men concerning him: and they sent him away, and his wife, and all that he had.

1. Time for a field trip kids!
   
   
   
   
2. Abram (Later, Abraham) is apparently going to be a very important guy. Why? Because god says so.
   
3. Pro tip: You can get free blessings by blessing this guy. There doesn’t appear to be a time limit on this.
   
4. Good boy Abram does as he’s told.
   
   
   
   
5. Couldn’t this simply be verse 4? Why so much repetition? If a book is going to waste our time, can’t it at least be efficient about it?
   
   
   
6. Remember: Canaanites are BAD because Ham saw his father naked that one time. That punishment really doesn’t fit the (non) crime…
   
7. “Your great-great uncle Ham saw his dad naked. It’s time to up the punishment and take the land that he started away from him.”
   
8. This guy really likes building altars.
   
   
   
   
   
   
9. Not to be confused with “Journey to the West”
   
10. I can only imagine him thinking “Famine? People starving? None of my business. I wonder what Egypt is up to these days… Let’s find out.”
    
11. Apparently he would think so given that he decided to marry her.
    
    
    
12. Based on ages, Sarai should be 70 years old at this point. She’s apparently a pretty foxy grandma-aged lady.
    
    
13. Technically the truth: Sarai IS Abram’s sister (Genesis 20:12). Why not call the trip off instead of doing this though?
    
14. She’s too hawt for the Egyptians to handle apparently.
    
    
15. And now she’s added to that Pharaoh’s GILF list.
    
    
16. So Abram and Sarai get the royal treatment simply because Sarai is such a looker and (presumably) getting it on with the Pharaoh?
    
17. But why? The Pharaoh has literally no idea that anything bad has happened. Maybe send these plagues to harass Abram?
    
18. Seems like a pretty measured and reasonable response for a guy who has been lied to for an undetermined amount of time.
    
19. AKA: Get out of my sight. I don’t tolerate people who lie to my face, especially when it causes plagues of unspecified to happen because I didn’t have all the information.
    
20. Pretty reasonable response all things considered. The Pharaoh is kinda the good guy in this story.