Tag: Bible Deconstructed

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 30

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 32

1. And he heard the words of Laban’s sons, saying, Jacob hath taken away all that was our father’s; and of that which was our father’s hath he gotten all this glory.
   
2. And Jacob beheld the countenance of Laban, and, behold, it was not toward him as before.
   
3. And the Lord said unto Jacob, Return unto the land of thy fathers, and to thy kindred; and I will be with thee.
   
4. And Jacob sent and called Rachel and Leah to the field unto his flock,
   
5. And said unto them, I see your father’s countenance, that it is not toward me as before; but the God of my father hath been with me.
   
6. And ye know that with all my power I have served your father.
   
7. And your father hath deceived me, and changed my wages ten times; but God suffered him not to hurt me.
   
8. If he said thus, The speckled shall be thy wages; then all the cattle bare speckled: and if he said thus, The ringstraked shall be thy hire; then bare all the cattle ringstraked.
   
9. Thus God hath taken away the cattle of your father, and given them to me.
   
10. And it came to pass at the time that the cattle conceived, that I lifted up mine eyes, and saw in a dream, and, behold, the rams which leaped upon the cattle were ringstraked, speckled, and grisled.
    
11. And the angel of God spake unto me in a dream, saying, Jacob: And I said, Here am I.
    
12. And he said, Lift up now thine eyes, and see, all the rams which leap upon the cattle are ringstraked, speckled, and grisled: for I have seen all that Laban doeth unto thee.
    
13. I am the God of Bethel, where thou anointedst the pillar, and where thou vowedst a vow unto me: now arise, get thee out from this land, and return unto the land of thy kindred.
    
14. And Rachel and Leah answered and said unto him, Is there yet any portion or inheritance for us in our father’s house?
    
15. Are we not counted of him strangers? for he hath sold us, and hath quite devoured also our money.
    
16. For all the riches which God hath taken from our father, that is ours, and our children’s: now then, whatsoever God hath said unto thee, do.
    
17. Then Jacob rose up, and set his sons and his wives upon camels;
    
18. And he carried away all his cattle, and all his goods which he had gotten, the cattle of his getting, which he had gotten in Padanaram, for to go to Isaac his father in the land of Canaan.
    
19. And Laban went to shear his sheep: and Rachel had stolen the images that were her father’s.
    
20. And Jacob stole away unawares to Laban the Syrian, in that he told him not that he fled.
    
21. So he fled with all that he had; and he rose up, and passed over the river, and set his face toward the mount Gilead.
    
22. And it was told Laban on the third day that Jacob was fled.
    
23. And he took his brethren with him, and pursued after him seven days’ journey; and they overtook him in the mount Gilead.
    
24. And God came to Laban the Syrian in a dream by night, and said unto him, Take heed that thou speak not to Jacob either good or bad.
    
25. Then Laban overtook Jacob. Now Jacob had pitched his tent in the mount: and Laban with his brethren pitched in the mount of Gilead.
    
26. And Laban said to Jacob, What hast thou done, that thou hast stolen away unawares to me, and carried away my daughters, as captives taken with the sword?
    
27. Wherefore didst thou flee away secretly, and steal away from me; and didst not tell me, that I might have sent thee away with mirth, and with songs, with tabret, and with harp?
    
28. And hast not suffered me to kiss my sons and my daughters? thou hast now done foolishly in so doing.
    
29. It is in the power of my hand to do you hurt: but the God of your father spake unto me yesternight, saying, Take thou heed that thou speak not to Jacob either good or bad.
    
30. And now, though thou wouldest needs be gone, because thou sore longedst after thy father’s house, yet wherefore hast thou stolen my gods?
    
31. And Jacob answered and said to Laban, Because I was afraid: for I said, Peradventure thou wouldest take by force thy daughters from me.
    
32. With whomsoever thou findest thy gods, let him not live: before our brethren discern thou what is thine with me, and take it to thee. For Jacob knew not that Rachel had stolen them.
    
33. And Laban went into Jacob’s tent, and into Leah’s tent, and into the two maidservants’ tents; but he found them not. Then went he out of Leah’s tent, and entered into Rachel’s tent.
    
34. Now Rachel had taken the images, and put them in the camel’s furniture, and sat upon them. And Laban searched all the tent, but found them not.
    
35. And she said to her father, Let it not displease my lord that I cannot rise up before thee; for the custom of women is upon me. And he searched but found not the images.
    
36. And Jacob was wroth, and chode with Laban: and Jacob answered and said to Laban, What is my trespass? what is my sin, that thou hast so hotly pursued after me?
    
37. Whereas thou hast searched all my stuff, what hast thou found of all thy household stuff? set it here before my brethren and thy brethren, that they may judge betwixt us both.
    
38. This twenty years have I been with thee; thy ewes and thy she goats have not cast their young, and the rams of thy flock have I not eaten.
    
39. That which was torn of beasts I brought not unto thee; I bare the loss of it; of my hand didst thou require it, whether stolen by day, or stolen by night.
    
40. Thus I was; in the day the drought consumed me, and the frost by night; and my sleep departed from mine eyes.
    
41. Thus have I been twenty years in thy house; I served thee fourteen years for thy two daughters, and six years for thy cattle: and thou hast changed my wages ten times.
    
42. Except the God of my father, the God of Abraham, and the fear of Isaac, had been with me, surely thou hadst sent me away now empty. God hath seen mine affliction and the labour of my hands, and rebuked thee yesternight.
    
43. And Laban answered and said unto Jacob, These daughters are my daughters, and these children are my children, and these cattle are my cattle, and all that thou seest is mine: and what can I do this day unto these my daughters, or unto their children which they have born?
    
44. Now therefore come thou, let us make a covenant, I and thou; and let it be for a witness between me and thee.
    
45. And Jacob took a stone, and set it up for a pillar.
    
46. And Jacob said unto his brethren, Gather stones; and they took stones, and made an heap: and they did eat there upon the heap.
    
47. And Laban called it Jegarsahadutha: but Jacob called it Galeed.
    
48. And Laban said, This heap is a witness between me and thee this day. Therefore was the name of it called Galeed;
    
49. And Mizpah; for he said, The Lord watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another.
    
50. If thou shalt afflict my daughters, or if thou shalt take other wives beside my daughters, no man is with us; see, God is witness betwixt me and thee.
    
51. And Laban said to Jacob, Behold this heap, and behold this pillar, which I have cast betwixt me and thee:
    
52. This heap be witness, and this pillar be witness, that I will not pass over this heap to thee, and that thou shalt not pass over this heap and this pillar unto me, for harm.
    
53. The God of Abraham, and the God of Nahor, the God of their father, judge betwixt us. And Jacob sware by the fear of his father Isaac.
    
54. Then Jacob offered sacrifice upon the mount, and called his brethren to eat bread: and they did eat bread, and tarried all night in the mount.
    
55. And early in the morning Laban rose up, and kissed his sons and his daughters, and blessed them: and Laban departed, and returned unto his place.

1. Presumably Jacob is the one hearing this… the verse is somewhat unclear about all of this.
   
   
2. I can’t imagine why. Breaking an agreement will do that.
   
   
3. Just in case you weren’t certain who was the protagonist in this particular tall tale. Not a very good one though.
   
4. Sounds like a perfect place for a meeting: The middle of a field.
   
5. And you can’t come up with any reasons why you might be causing some trouble here?
   
   
6. Yes, but you did decide to negotiate to shorten this.
   
7. Technically, you never agreed to any wages. The fact that Laban considered it at all shows that he’s a nice guy.
   
8. Perhaps he saw through your attempted pagan ritual to get all of a certain patterned to be born so you could take everything? Rather than blaming him for your idiocy, why not finish off your servitude?
   
9. No. You are going to take away cattle and leave with your agreement unfulfilled.
   
10. Oh look, a vision! I’ve never heard of a vision being used to justify doing stupid things before. Hopefully you were able to catch the sarcasm in that sentence, there was a lot of it.
    
11. Once again, just in case you weren’t sure who you were supposed to be rooting for.
    
12. Sounds like Jacob is really hamming it up for this vision.
    
    
    
13. Man, god really likes to tell people to move to other lands, doesn’t he? Also, if Jacob returns now, won’t Esau still be wanting to kill him? We can’t forget that plot hook, can we?
    
14. They’re planning on leaving, so they want to take more things from Laban than just the flock?
    
15. Yes, he sold you to Jacob. Not cool. This just goes to show that the bible is not a good source of morals. Selling women is ok
    
16. AKA: You know that god fellow you just mentioned? It sounds like it’s his fault that we don’t have anything that we can inherit from our father.
    
17. Sounds like he’s worried he’ll be stopped if he doesn’t leave at once.
    
18. Presumably this doesn’t literally mean he carried all his cattle. That does make for an amusing mental image though…
    
    
    
19. This verse comes out of left field and tries to sell itself off as a valid plot point or something.
    
20. Jacob literally steals a bunch of cattle ans such and then runs away. I wouldn’t tell anyone about that either.
    
21. AKA: I gotta head towards this mountain if I’m supposed to be safe.
    
    
22. Why did anyone wait this long? Is it hard to tell that a bunch of cattle are missing?
    
23. Because we gotta fit the number 7 in here somewhere. Presumably they catch up because they don’t have cattle with them.
    
24. Note how Laban is referred to now: “The Syrian”. It sounds like the writers didn’t like Syrians much, and they’re trying to vilify them, and Laban, now.
    
25. Everyone is at the mountain now apparently and just pitching tents everywhere.
    
    
26. Good question. Why would Jacob, who was negotiating for a shorter servitude time, want to leave in the night secretly? I can’t think of any reason.
    
27. This doesn’t seem like a probable thing to happen based off of last chapter where Laban had to be convinced to pay Jacob.
    
    
    
28. It never mentioned anywhere that Jacob took anyone except his wives with. What sons does Laban mean here?
    
29. Oh right, just in case that you weren’t sure if Jacob was still the protagonist. That god thing is certainly a handy narrative plot device.
    
30. Overall, this guy is being pretty reasonable about this all. I bet he’ll just give it all anyways, just like the kings and Pharaohs before him.
    
31. One, maybe, but both? You were given one for your work already.
    
    
    
32. That seems a bit harsh.
    
    
    
    
    
33. Presumably this is everyone traveling with Jacob too.
    
    
    
    
34. Oh clever you.
    
    
    
    
35. That’s not suspicious at all.
    
    
    
    
    
36. Suddenly Jacob gets angry… after being terrified that Laban wouldn’t let him go.
    
    
    
    
37. Technically, all the stuff there is Laban’s. This glosses over the fact that Jacob literally stole all this stuff from Laban. All Laban wanted was his pictures.
    
    
38. This verse is false if we are to believe the previous chapter.
    
    
    
39. He really should have. It wasn’t his flock or herd.
    
    
    
40. AKA: I worked long and hard.
    
    
    
41. Nope. Jacob showed up, pledged 7 years of his life away, got the wrong woman, pledged another 7 years, and left early. Did this author even read chapter 30?
    
    
42. AKA: I can take a bunch of your stuff because god is on my side. Stealing is morally correct if you’re stealing because god told you to, kids!
    
    
    
43. This sounds like Laban is taking all this pretty reasonably. Having someone tell me they stole a bunch of stuff and it’s theirs now because god said so would result in an immediate phone call to the police. Or a mental institution.
    
    
44. No! Don’t do it, Laban! This is just a terrible idea!
    
    
45. Presumably a large stone.
    
    
46. What “brethren”? There should only be his wives and children there.
    
    
47. What is with this naming every little inconsequential thing obsession?
    
48. I’m pretty sure a heap of rocks is not an admissible witness in a court of law. Don’t quote me on that one though.
    
49. Presumably this is supposed to mean something and be symbolic.
    
    
50. What about the servant women this guy already had many children with?
    
    
    
51. Are they seriously about to repeat things?
    
    
    
52. Perhaps instead of making empty words over a random stone pillar, they should make them over a decent meal?
    
    
53. Jacob doesn’t swear by god though… Is he an agnostic after everything he’s just been through?
    
    
54. What else will you do all night?
    
    
    
    
55. There is no reason for this entire chapter. The authors clearly couldn’t keep their story straight. I’ve improvised entire tabletop game campaigns with a better plot and less confusion in them than Genesis so far.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 29

Genesis annotated: Chapter 31

1. And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.
   
2. And Jacob’s anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in God’s stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?
   
3. And she said, Behold my maid Bilhah, go in unto her; and she shall bear upon my knees, that I may also have children by her.
   
4. And she gave him Bilhah her handmaid to wife: and Jacob went in unto her.
   
5. And Bilhah conceived, and bare Jacob a son.
   
6. And Rachel said, God hath judged me, and hath also heard my voice, and hath given me a son: therefore called she his name Dan.
   
7. And Bilhah Rachel’s maid conceived again, and bare Jacob a second son.
   
8. And Rachel said, With great wrestlings have I wrestled with my sister, and I have prevailed: and she called his name Naphtali.
   
9. When Leah saw that she had left bearing, she took Zilpah her maid, and gave her Jacob to wife.
   
10.  And Zilpah Leah’s maid bare Jacob a son.
    
11. And Leah said, A troop cometh: and she called his name Gad.
    
12. And Zilpah Leah’s maid bare Jacob a second son.
    
13. And Leah said, Happy am I, for the daughters will call me blessed: and she called his name Asher.
    
14. And Reuben went in the days of wheat harvest, and found mandrakes in the field, and brought them unto his mother Leah. Then Rachel said to Leah, Give me, I pray thee, of thy son’s mandrakes.
    
15. And she said unto her, Is it a small matter that thou hast taken my husband? and wouldest thou take away my son’s mandrakes also? And Rachel said, Therefore he shall lie with thee to night for thy son’s mandrakes.
    
16. And Jacob came out of the field in the evening, and Leah went out to meet him, and said, Thou must come in unto me; for surely I have hired thee with my son’s mandrakes. And he lay with her that night.
    
17. And God hearkened unto Leah, and she conceived, and bare Jacob the fifth son.
    
18. And Leah said, God hath given me my hire, because I have given my maiden to my husband: and she called his name Issachar.
    
19. And Leah conceived again, and bare Jacob the sixth son.
    
20. And Leah said, God hath endued me with a good dowry; now will my husband dwell with me, because I have born him six sons: and she called his name Zebulun.
    
21. And afterwards she bare a daughter, and called her name Dinah.
    
22. And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.
    
23. And she conceived, and bare a son; and said, God hath taken away my reproach:
    
24. And she called his name Joseph; and said, The Lord shall add to me another son.
    
25. And it came to pass, when Rachel had born Joseph, that Jacob said unto Laban, Send me away, that I may go unto mine own place, and to my country.
    
26. Give me my wives and my children, for whom I have served thee, and let me go: for thou knowest my service which I have done thee.
    
27. And Laban said unto him, I pray thee, if I have found favour in thine eyes, tarry: for I have learned by experience that the Lord hath blessed me for thy sake.
    
28. And he said, Appoint me thy wages, and I will give it.
    
29. And he said unto him, Thou knowest how I have served thee, and how thy cattle was with me.
    
30. For it was little which thou hadst before I came, and it is now increased unto a multitude; and the Lord hath blessed thee since my coming: and now when shall I provide for mine own house also?
    
31. And he said, What shall I give thee? And Jacob said, Thou shalt not give me any thing: if thou wilt do this thing for me, I will again feed and keep thy flock.
    
32. I will pass through all thy flock to day, removing from thence all the speckled and spotted cattle, and all the brown cattle among the sheep, and the spotted and speckled among the goats: and of such shall be my hire.
    
33. So shall my righteousness answer for me in time to come, when it shall come for my hire before thy face: every one that is not speckled and spotted among the goats, and brown among the sheep, that shall be counted stolen with me.
    
34. And Laban said, Behold, I would it might be according to thy word.
    
35. And he removed that day the he goats that were ringstraked and spotted, and all the she goats that were speckled and spotted, and every one that had some white in it, and all the brown among the sheep, and gave them into the hand of his sons.
    
36. And he set three days’ journey betwixt himself and Jacob: and Jacob fed the rest of Laban’s flocks.
    
37. And Jacob took him rods of green poplar, and of the hazel and chesnut tree; and pilled white strakes in them, and made the white appear which was in the rods.
    
38. And he set the rods which he had pilled before the flocks in the gutters in the watering troughs when the flocks came to drink, that they should conceive when they came to drink.
    
39. And the flocks conceived before the rods, and brought forth cattle ringstraked, speckled, and spotted.
    
40. And Jacob did separate the lambs, and set the faces of the flocks toward the ringstraked, and all the brown in the flock of Laban; and he put his own flocks by themselves, and put them not unto Laban’s cattle.
    
41. And it came to pass, whensoever the stronger cattle did conceive, that Jacob laid the rods before the eyes of the cattle in the gutters, that they might conceive among the rods.
    
42. But when the cattle were feeble, he put them not in: so the feebler were Laban’s, and the stronger Jacob’s.
    
43. And the man increased exceedingly, and had much cattle, and maidservants, and menservants, and camels, and asses.

1. Wouldn’t a kind and benevolent god realize that being a dick and causing her not to have children would cause strife?
   
   
2. AKA: Stop being melodramatic, I’m not the problem here.
   I only wish he actually mentioned that god is a dick for doing this.
   
3. There’s no way that this could ever go wrong. Haven’t we seen this before with AbramHam and an Egyptian servant?
   
4. I’m all for doing whoever if your wife is ok with it, but the reasons here aren’t good.
   
5. Technically, shouldn’t this mean he has 3 wives now?
   
6. This isn’t really Rachel’s child though.
   
   
   
   
7. They’re popping out like crazy. This is at least 2 years then?
   
8. What sort of twisted logic does it take to claim “My husband had a child with my maid… victory!!!”
   
9. WTF? Why? Are they in a competition to see how many women they can get him to sleep with now?
   
10. This is just getting stupid now
    
11. We get an entire verse dedicated to naming a kid. Great.
    
12. Get on with it already… just say he had <number> amount of kids
    
13. Why must we be treated to narrative pacing that inflates readtime? Did youtube’s algorithm write this?
    
14. Why does she want mandrakes? Were they thought to have magical healing properties at the time? Or perhaps paralyzing properties? Or some other superstitious nonsense?
    
15. This is rich: Leah, who married Jacob because of a trick her father played, blames Rachel for stealing her husband, who wanted to marry Rachel, not Leah. Is this why people defending the bible reason so strangely?
    
16. Presumably Rachel gave her husband a night of passion with his other wife for a few mandrakes. The question still remains, why? There is nothing special about mandrakes that I know of.
    
17. Good grief man, get off that woman already, you have way to many children!
    
18. Stop wasting our time with entire verses dedicated to naming all these kids already. I guarantee they don’t really matter later.
    
19. …Not again…
    
    
20. Stop it. This is becoming more annoying to read than this one book series about a gay sword magician I tried reading once. I only gave that book 2 chapters.
    
21. This is at least a bit shorter. Still, I don’t care how many kids this idiot has.
    
22. Oh look, now it’s probably time to repeat all the above, but with rachel this time.
    
23. Why praise god for removing a blockage that he caused?
    
24. We must be getting close to Joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat time.
    
25. Presumably Laban gave Rachel over to Jacob before the (second) 7 years of servitude were up? Isn’t this exactly why you wouldn’t do that?
    
26. Presumably you haven’t fulfilled your end of the agreement. There’s no reason to get annoyed at Laban due to your choice to be in servitude.
    
27. I can agree with the call to stay, but Laban really should be pointing out that Jacob agreed to this without any pushing from Laban.
    
28. That wasn’t part of the agreement. The payment asked for was Rachel.
    
29. Presumably Jacob to Laban here, because this makes no sense otherwise. This narrative is terribly structured.
    
30. Did one guy really work so hard that he managed to outperform everyone else? This sounds like he’s taking credit for everyone else’s work here. Any probably getting away with it.
    
31. Didn’t Jacob demand payment a little bit ago? Laban seems to be having trouble remembering things in his (presumably) old age.
    
32. After just saying “Pay me. No wait give me nothing”, Jacob now demands to be given a presumably large amount of cattle, sheep, and goats. Because he has main character powers, we know that he’s going to get away with it.
    
33. This is presented as a fair trade… it’s really not. It’s basically Jacob bitching by saying “I’ll take a lot of your stuff, my kids, and your daughters who are my wives because I worked for you to get a wife.” Why would Laban agree?
    
34. No, you fool, there is literally no reason for you to do this.
    
35. This tale is one huge narrative mess. It’s almost like there were three conflicting accounts that the author(s) tried to smash together into one mess. Like any time someone smashes things together, the mess really shows through.
    
36. Isn’t this very reminiscent of the tale of AbramHam and his brother? Sounds like Jacob is a retelling of AbramHams story.
    
37. This is incredibly specific. We really don’t care nor need to know any of this stuff though. Just say “Jacob fashioned some rods”.
    
38. Jacob believes that what the sheep see when they conceive (presumably while drinking) will change something? That does absolutely nothing. He’s mad if he thinks it will.
    
39. But why? There is no reason to do any of this. It is needlessly complicated and accomplishes nothing.
    
40. At least he’s honoring the incredibly one-sided agreement that Laban agreed to for some reason… I’m really not sure why Laban would have done so. This almost sounds like he’s doing a slow/long term cattle rustling operation.
    
41. The bibles says that the area a flock gives birth in changes coat coloration. The bible is clearly not a good source of information. What sort of pagan ritual is this, and why would Jacob try it?
    
42. Sounds like Jacob is doing anything that he can do sneakily to ruin Laban after Jacob leaves.
    
43. This sounds like the start of AbramHam’s journey too where he suddenly became super rich.
    

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 28

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 30

1. Then Jacob went on his journey, and came into the land of the people of the east.
   
2. And he looked, and behold a well in the field, and, lo, there were three flocks of sheep lying by it; for out of that well they watered the flocks: and a great stone was upon the well’s mouth.
   
3. And thither were all the flocks gathered: and they rolled the stone from the well’s mouth, and watered the sheep, and put the stone again upon the well’s mouth in his place.
   
4. And Jacob said unto them, My brethren, whence be ye? And they said, Of Haran are we.
   
5. And he said unto them, Know ye Laban the son of Nahor? And they said, We know him.
   
6. And he said unto them, Is he well? And they said, He is well: and, behold, Rachel his daughter cometh with the sheep.
   
7. And he said, Lo, it is yet high day, neither is it time that the cattle should be gathered together: water ye the sheep, and go and feed them.
   
8. And they said, We cannot, until all the flocks be gathered together, and till they roll the stone from the well’s mouth; then we water the sheep.
   
9. And while he yet spake with them, Rachel came with her father’s sheep; for she kept them.
   
10. And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother’s brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother’s brother, that Jacob went near, and rolled the stone from the well’s mouth, and watered the flock of Laban his mother’s brother.
    
11. And Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept.
    
12. And Jacob told Rachel that he was her father’s brother, and that he was Rebekah’s son: and she ran and told her father.
    
13. And it came to pass, when Laban heard the tidings of Jacob his sister’s son, that he ran to meet him, and embraced him, and kissed him, and brought him to his house. And he told Laban all these things.
    
14. And Laban said to him, Surely thou art my bone and my flesh. And he abode with him the space of a month.
    
15. And Laban said unto Jacob, Because thou art my brother, shouldest thou therefore serve me for nought? tell me, what shall thy wages be?
    
16. And Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.
    
17. Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured.
    
18. And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter.
    
19. And Laban said, It is better that I give her to thee, than that I should give her to another man: abide with me.
    
20. And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.
    
21. And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her.
    
22. And Laban gathered together all the men of the place, and made a feast.
    
23. And it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter, and brought her to him; and he went in unto her.
    
24. And Laban gave unto his daughter Leah Zilpah his maid for an handmaid.
    
25. And it came to pass, that in the morning, behold, it was Leah: and he said to Laban, What is this thou hast done unto me? did not I serve with thee for Rachel? wherefore then hast thou beguiled me?
    
26. And Laban said, It must not be so done in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn.
    
27. Fulfil her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou shalt serve with me yet seven other years.
    
28. And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him Rachel his daughter to wife also.
    
29. And Laban gave to Rachel his daughter Bilhah his handmaid to be her maid.
    
30. And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years.
    
31. And when the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren.
    
32. And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the Lord hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me.
    
33. And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Because the Lord hath heard I was hated, he hath therefore given me this son also: and she called his name Simeon.
    
34. And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons: therefore was his name called Levi.
    
35. And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said, Now will I praise the Lord: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing.

1. Tune in this time for “The Journey to the East!”
   
2. Well, a well!
   
   
   
   
   
3. That sounds like a lot of work just to use a well. How heavy was this stone? Were they trying to keep other animals away from the well?
   
   
4. Where do you come from? Haran
   
   
   
5. Ya know a bloke name Laban? Yes.
   
   
6. How fortuitous that a female has been introduced. It must be love! And, of course, the female has no choice.
   
7. Why would they even bother listening to the commands of some random dude who asked a few questions and showed up in the middle of nowhere?
   
8. AKA: No. We don’t take orders from you
   
   
   
   
9. She’s been mentioned twice now, so we know what’s coming. She’ll be leaving with Jacob no matter what she wants.
   
10. Why is Jacob suddenly doing work for these people? I presume he’s showing off to Rachel?
    
    
    
    
    
11. That seems a bit intimate for people who have never met each other before.
    
12. If I were Rachel, I’d run and tell my father about the strange man who showed up out of nowhere and assaulted me too.
    
13. Sounds like kissing people is no big deal then. Still seems like a strange greeting, but maybe I’m just too American.
    
    
    
14. Jacob stays with these people for a month then?
    
    
15. Was there ever any discussion of Jacob coming to work for Laban? I thought he was just looking to snatch himself up a wife.
    
16. Uh oh… a second female has entered the plot. This can only mean one thing: a love triangle.
    
17. AKA: Beautiful eyes vs. Beautiful body?
    
    
18. What is it with these people’s obsession with the number 7?
    
    
19. Does Rachel have any say in this?
    
    
    
20. I wonder how old Jacob is by this point. Rachel must have just chilled around and got to know him.
    
21. AKA: I’ve done my part, give me your daughter whether or not she wants to go with me.
    
22. Sounds like a wonderful event.
    
    
23. The he’s here are ambiguous. Laban brought Leah to Jacob, and apparently he didn’t notice.
    
24. At least she got a handmaiden out of the deal.
    
25. Did Leah even want to be a part of this? Maybe Leah wanted this and Rachel doesn’t like Jacob? Booo! This is a terrible soap opera! I demand a better plot and more exposition!
    
26. That would have been nice to know 7 years ago dude.
    
    
27. AKA: Polygamy at it’s finest. It’s in the bible, therefore it’s good!
    
    
28. Is Rachel ok with this? I’m starting to wonder if she’s been mentally scarred by this point.
    
29. At least she got a handmaiden too. I wonder how long it takes Jacob to do them.
    
30. I mean, he was trying to get with Rachel this entire time. What was the purpose of this charade anyways? Free labor?
    
31. But why? Does god simply like being a dick to mortals? Does god like ensuring certain mortals get more dick? I need answers!
    
32. Presumably Reuben means something here other than being a name for a sandwich.
    
    
    
33. It seems a bit much to assume that she was hated. I could see any guy, while being disappointed at being tricked, at least not hating someone.
    
34. Good grief, they’re popping out of the woodwork now!
    
    
    
    
35. Does this imply that she had no other kids after this?

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 27

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 29

1. And Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and charged him, and said unto him, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan.
   
2. Arise, go to Padanaram, to the house of Bethuel thy mother’s father; and take thee a wife from thence of the daughers of Laban thy mother’s brother.
   
3. And God Almighty bless thee, and make thee fruitful, and multiply thee, that thou mayest be a multitude of people;
   
4. And give thee the blessing of Abraham, to thee, and to thy seed with thee; that thou mayest inherit the land wherein thou art a stranger, which God gave unto Abraham.
   
5. And Isaac sent away Jacob: and he went to Padanaram unto Laban, son of Bethuel the Syrian, the brother of Rebekah, Jacob’s and Esau’s mother.
   
6. When Esau saw that Isaac had blessed Jacob, and sent him away to Padanaram, to take him a wife from thence; and that as he blessed him he gave him a charge, saying, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughers of Canaan;
   
7. And that Jacob obeyed his father and his mother, and was gone to Padanaram;
   
8. And Esau seeing that the daughters of Canaan pleased not Isaac his father;
   
9. Then went Esau unto Ishmael, and took unto the wives which he had Mahalath the daughter of Ishmael Abraham’s son, the sister of Nebajoth, to be his wife.
   
10. And Jacob went out from Beersheba, and went toward Haran.
    
11. And he lighted upon a certain place, and tarried there all night, because the sun was set; and he took of the stones of that place, and put them for his pillows, and lay down in that place to sleep.
    
12. And he dreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven: and behold the angels of God ascending and descending on it.
    
13. And, behold, the Lord stood above it, and said, I am the Lord God of Abraham thy father, and the God of Isaac: the land whereon thou liest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed;
    
14. And thy seed shall be as the dust of the earth, and thou shalt spread abroad to the west, and to the east, and to the north, and to the south: and in thee and in thy seed shall all the families of the earth be blessed.
    
15. And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of.
    
16. And Jacob awaked out of his sleep, and he said, Surely the Lord is in this place; and I knew it not.
    
17. And he was afraid, and said, How dreadful is this place! this is none other but the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven.
    
18. And Jacob rose up early in the morning, and took the stone that he had put for his pillows, and set it up for a pillar, and poured oil upon the top of it.
    
19. And he called the name of that place Bethel: but the name of that city was called Luz at the first.
    
20. And Jacob vowed a vow, saying, If God will be with me, and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat, and raiment to put on,
    
21. So that I come again to my father’s house in peace; then shall the Lord be my God:
    
22. And this stone, which I have set for a pillar, shall be God’s house: and of all that thou shalt give me I will surely give the tenth unto thee.

1. WTF? Jacob was told to flee for his life at the end of the last chapter. Timeskip much?
   
   
2. So… they’re doing everything they can to keep this in the family.
   
   
   
3. You already did this blessing business last chapters.
   
   
4. Apparently Isaac has to pass this down to Jacob rather than god passing it on now?
   
   
   
5. A shorter trip than when the slave went to get Rebekah.
   
   
   
6. But… Jacob left before Esau came back in the last chapter. Inconsistent much?
   
   
   
   
   
7. What a good boy. Good boy!
   
   
8. They never really say why… why does Isaac not like Canaanites?
   
9. This guy is going to take his brother’s daughter as a wife? That’s gonna mess up the gene pool…
   
   
10. Good boy!
    
    
11. Sounds like this was supposed to be a named place but oral traditions lost what the name was supposed to be.
    
    
    
12. Sounds like it’s time for a dream sequence
    
    
    
    
13. Dadgummit god, stop repeating this already! It’s getting really old. I wonder if Esau and Ishmael’s kids got the same talking to from the all mighty sky-daddy.
    
    
14. Blah blah blah. We’ve heard all this before.
    
    
    
    
    
    
15. And this. Man does this god like to talk. And repeat himself. Does he have trouble with remembering things?
    
    
    
16. Then why was it a “certain place” a few verses back? It implies you knew it was a special place.
    
17. Why is this dreadful? I’d assume that Jacob, who is apparently the chosen one now, would be quite excited about all of this.
    
18. Does he just carry this stuff on him in the off chance that he needs to anoint random pillars that he sets up?
    
    
19. What a shocker, he’s founding another location that we’re supposed to be impressed with.
    
20. This is a rather strange thing to do. Just examine this for a moment. It’s just a weird vow that Jacob makes. “If god gives be bread and clothing…
    
21. …And makes sure that I get home, then (and only then) will he be my god…
    
22. …And then I’ll make a place for god to dwell and give a tithe of 10% unto this god.” Isn’t that a weird thing to vow? Shouldn’t he already believe in this god?

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 26

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 28

1. And it came to pass, that when Isaac was old, and his eyes were dim, so that he could not see, he called Esau his eldest son, and said unto him, My son: and he said unto him, Behold, here am I.
   
2. And he said, Behold now, I am old, I know not the day of my death:
   
3. Now therefore take, I pray thee, thy weapons, thy quiver and thy bow, and go out to the field, and take me some venison;
   
4. And make me savoury meat, such as I love, and bring it to me, that I may eat; that my soul may bless thee before I die.
   
5. And Rebekah heard when Isaac spake to Esau his son. And Esau went to the field to hunt for venison, and to bring it.
   
6. And Rebekah spake unto Jacob her son, saying, Behold, I heard thy father speak unto Esau thy brother, saying,
   
7. Bring me venison, and make me savoury meat, that I may eat, and bless thee before the Lord before my death.
   
8. Now therefore, my son, obey my voice according to that which I command thee.
   
9. Go now to the flock, and fetch me from thence two good kids of the goats; and I will make them savoury meat for thy father, such as he loveth:
   
10. And thou shalt bring it to thy father, that he may eat, and that he may bless thee before his death.
    
11. And Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man:
    
12. My father peradventure will feel me, and I shall seem to him as a deceiver; and I shall bring a curse upon me, and not a blessing.
    
13. And his mother said unto him, Upon me be thy curse, my son: only obey my voice, and go fetch me them.
    
14. And he went, and fetched, and brought them to his mother: and his mother made savoury meat, such as his father loved.
    
15. And Rebekah took goodly raiment of her eldest son Esau, which were with her in the house, and put them upon Jacob her younger son:
    
16. And she put the skins of the kids of the goats upon his hands, and upon the smooth of his neck:
    
17. And she gave the savoury meat and the bread, which she had prepared, into the hand of her son Jacob.
    
18. And he came unto his father, and said, My father: and he said, Here am I; who art thou, my son?
    
19. And Jacob said unto his father, I am Esau thy first born; I have done according as thou badest me: arise, I pray thee, sit and eat of my venison, that thy soul may bless me.
    
20. And Isaac said unto his son, How is it that thou hast found it so quickly, my son? And he said, Because the Lord thy God brought it to me.
    
21. And Isaac said unto Jacob, Come near, I pray thee, that I may feel thee, my son, whether thou be my very son Esau or not.
    
22. And Jacob went near unto Isaac his father; and he felt him, and said, The voice is Jacob’s voice, but the hands are the hands of Esau.
    
23. And he discerned him not, because his hands were hairy, as his brother Esau’s hands: so he blessed him.
    
24. And he said, Art thou my very son Esau? And he said, I am.
    
25. And he said, Bring it near to me, and I will eat of my son’s venison, that my soul may bless thee. And he brought it near to him, and he did eat: and he brought him wine and he drank.
    
26. And his father Isaac said unto him, Come near now, and kiss me, my son.
    
27. And he came near, and kissed him: and he smelled the smell of his raiment, and blessed him, and said, See, the smell of my son is as the smell of a field which the Lord hath blessed:
    
28. Therefore God give thee of the dew of heaven, and the fatness of the earth, and plenty of corn and wine:
    
29. Let people serve thee, and nations bow down to thee: be lord over thy brethren, and let thy mother’s sons bow down to thee: cursed be every one that curseth thee, and blessed be he that blesseth thee.
    
30. And it came to pass, as soon as Isaac had made an end of blessing Jacob, and Jacob was yet scarce gone out from the presence of Isaac his father, that Esau his brother came in from his hunting.
    
31. And he also had made savoury meat, and brought it unto his father, and said unto his father, Let my father arise, and eat of his son’s venison, that thy soul may bless me.
    
32. And Isaac his father said unto him, Who art thou? And he said, I am thy son, thy firstborn Esau.
    
33. And Isaac trembled very exceedingly, and said, Who? where is he that hath taken venison, and brought it me, and I have eaten of all before thou camest, and have blessed him? yea, and he shall be blessed.
    
34. And when Esau heard the words of his father, he cried with a great and exceeding bitter cry, and said unto his father, Bless me, even me also, O my father.
    
35. And he said, Thy brother came with subtilty, and hath taken away thy blessing.
    
36. And he said, Is not he rightly named Jacob? for he hath supplanted me these two times: he took away my birthright; and, behold, now he hath taken away my blessing. And he said, Hast thou not reserved a blessing for me?
    
37. And Isaac answered and said unto Esau, Behold, I have made him thy lord, and all his brethren have I given to him for servants; and with corn and wine have I sustained him: and what shall I do now unto thee, my son?
    
38. And Esau said unto his father, Hast thou but one blessing, my father? bless me, even me also, O my father. And Esau lifted up his voice, and wept.
    
39. And Isaac his father answered and said unto him, Behold, thy dwelling shall be the fatness of the earth, and of the dew of heaven from above;
    
40. And by thy sword shalt thou live, and shalt serve thy brother; and it shall come to pass when thou shalt have the dominion, that thou shalt break his yoke from off thy neck.
    
41. And Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing wherewith his father blessed him: and Esau said in his heart, The days of mourning for my father are at hand; then will I slay my brother Jacob.
    
42. And these words of Esau her elder son were told to Rebekah: and she sent and called Jacob her younger son, and said unto him, Behold, thy brother Esau, as touching thee, doth comfort himself, purposing to kill thee.
    
43. Now therefore, my son, obey my voice; arise, flee thou to Laban my brother to Haran;
    
44. And tarry with him a few days, until thy brother’s fury turn away;
    
45. Until thy brother’s anger turn away from thee, and he forget that which thou hast done to him: then I will send, and fetch thee from thence: why should I be deprived also of you both in one day?
    
46. And Rebekah said to Isaac, I am weary of my life because of the daughters of Heth: if Jacob take a wife of the daughters of Heth, such as these which are of the daughters of the land, what good shall my life do me?

1. Wow… Isaac bit the bullet quite fast. We only get 2 chapters that focus on Isaac before he dies?
   
   
   
2. Most people don’t know when they die. Why would Isaac expect to?
   
3. Sounds like Isaac wants a last meal of deer meat.
   
   
4. He must really love deer.
   
   
   
5. Was she listening outside the tent?
   
   
   
6. Sounds like she’s about to cause trouble.
   
   
   
7. Just repeats what Isaac said.
   
   
   
8. This sounds like the whole “taking Esau’s blessing away” was Rebekah’s idea.
   
9. Sounds like Rebekah is pretty sure that she knows what Isaac likes.
   
   
   
10. But why would Jacob even want to go along with this plan?
    
    
11. Fair point I guess. We’ll have to assume this is true.
    
    
12. That’s pretty reasonable. Jacob doesn’t want to deceive. Is this another story about how women are supposed to be evil?
    
13. AKA: Hop to it son, it doesn’t really matter if he does curse you.
    
    
14. Cooks the food.
    
    
    
15. Time to cosplay your older brother!
    
    
    
    
16. Just how hairy IS Esau? A goat skin would imply he’s as hairy as a goat… does Esau even look human?
    
17. Hands off the food and then goes to hide, presumably.
    
    
18. Is Isaac also hard of hearing? Presumably Jacob and Esau sound quite different.
    
    
19. Lying to get that sweet, sweet blessing. Apparently god approves of this.
    
    
    
    
20. At least Isaac hasn’t completely lost all reason.
    
    
    
21. You’d expect the man who worked with goats and sheep to be able to tell the difference.
    
22. Reason hasn’t completely left this guy. Why does he trust goat fur over the voice that it’s literally stated that he recognizes as Jacob?
    
23. You’d really think this guy would notice the difference. Also, presumably this is from the goats that were just slaughtered…
    
24. Lying, it’s in the bible kids! And god approves of lying to get your way!
    
25. Now to eat all the things.
    
    
    
    
    
26. This is pretty long and drawn out
    
    
27. Seriously, how could this guy not put together a working hypothesis that he might be lied to by now? Especially if he recognizes that this is Jacob’s voice?
    
    
28. Bless this child!
    
    
    
29. Does this blessing carry the same weight as a blessing from god?
    
    
    
    
30. Talk about your narrative pacing.
    
    
    
    
    
31. AKA: He did exactly what was asked of him.
    
    
    
    
32. Alternative text: “And through Isaac’s mind reverberated the word ‘Fuck!'”
    
    
33. Sounds like Isaac is finally starting to put 2 and 2 together.
    
    
    
    
34. Reasonable. Does a father have only one blessing that they can give? I don’t actually know the history on this.
    
    
35. Took Isaac long enough to get 4 from putting 2 and 2 together.
    
36. This is actually a far more compelling reason to kill someone than Cain from many chapters back.
    
    
    
    
37. AKA: Nope! I only have one blessing to give. No refunds or take backs allowed. Once given, the blessing remains in full force until *mumble mumble* done.
    
    
    
38. Reasonable question
    
    
    
    
39. This starts off somewhat nice
    
    
    
    
40. And then devolves into more of a curse than anything else. Seriously… why??
    
    
    
41. That’s a reasonable feeling I think
    
    
    
    
    
42. I can’t imagine why. If only someone could have told Rebekah that lying and stealing could have unforeseen consequences.
    
    
    
    
43. Run away!!
    
    
    
44. I think it’ll take more than a few days for that to happen.
    
45. She could have been deprived of none of them if she’d not been an insistent dick about this whole thing. This is very reminiscent of the garden of eden story, isn’t it?
    
46. What is this verse even doing here?

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 25

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 27

1. And there was a famine in the land, beside the first famine that was in the days of Abraham. And Isaac went unto Abimelech king of the Philistines unto Gerar.
   
2. And the Lord appeared unto him, and said, Go not down into Egypt; dwell in the land which I shall tell thee of:
   
3. Sojourn in this land, and I will be with thee, and will bless thee; for unto thee, and unto thy seed, I will give all these countries, and I will perform the oath which I sware unto Abraham thy father;
   
4. And I will make thy seed to multiply as the stars of heaven, and will give unto thy seed all these countries; and in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed;
   
5. Because that Abraham obeyed my voice, and kept my charge, my commandments, my statutes, and my laws.
   
6. And Isaac dwelt in Gerar:
   
7. And the men of the place asked him of his wife; and he said, She is my sister: for he feared to say, She is my wife; lest, said he, the men of the place should kill me for Rebekah; because she was fair to look upon.
   
8. And it came to pass, when he had been there a long time, that Abimelech king of the Philistines looked out at a window, and saw, and, behold, Isaac was sporting with Rebekah his wife.
   
9. And Abimelech called Isaac, and said, Behold, of a surety she is thy wife; and how saidst thou, She is my sister? And Isaac said unto him, Because I said, Lest I die for her.
   
10. And Abimelech said, What is this thou hast done unto us? one of the people might lightly have lien with thy wife, and thou shouldest have brought guiltiness upon us.
    
11. And Abimelech charged all his people, saying, He that toucheth this man or his wife shall surely be put to death.
    
12. Then Isaac sowed in that land, and received in the same year an hundredfold: and the Lord blessed him.
    
13. And the man waxed great, and went forward, and grew until he became very great:
    
14. For he had possession of flocks, and possession of herds, and great store of servants: and the Philistines envied him.
    
15. For all the wells which his father’s servants had digged in the days of Abraham his father, the Philistines had stopped them, and filled them with earth.
    
16. And Abimelech said unto Isaac, Go from us; for thou art much mightier than we.
    
17. And Isaac departed thence, and pitched his tent in the valley of Gerar, and dwelt there.
    
18. And Isaac digged again the wells of water, which they had digged in the days of Abraham his father; for the Philistines had stopped them after the death of Abraham: and he called their names after the names by which his father had called them.
    
19. And Isaac’s servants digged in the valley, and found there a well of springing water.
    
20. And the herdmen of Gerar did strive with Isaac’s herdmen, saying, The water is ours: and he called the name of the well Esek; because they strove with him.
    
21. And they digged another well, and strove for that also: and he called the name of it Sitnah.
    
22. And he removed from thence, and digged another well; and for that they strove not: and he called the name of it Rehoboth; and he said, For now the Lord hath made room for us, and we shall be fruitful in the land.
    
23. And he went up from thence to Beersheba.
    
24. And the Lord appeared unto him the same night, and said, I am the God of Abraham thy father: fear not, for I am with thee, and will bless thee, and multiply thy seed for my servant Abraham’s sake.
    
25. And he builded an altar there, and called upon the name of the Lord, and pitched his tent there: and there Isaac’s servants digged a well.
    
26. Then Abimelech went to him from Gerar, and Ahuzzath one of his friends, and Phichol the chief captain of his army.
    
27. And Isaac said unto them, Wherefore come ye to me, seeing ye hate me, and have sent me away from you?
    
28. And they said, We saw certainly that the Lord was with thee: and we said, Let there be now an oath betwixt us, even betwixt us and thee, and let us make a covenant with thee;
    
29. That thou wilt do us no hurt, as we have not touched thee, and as we have done unto thee nothing but good, and have sent thee away in peace: thou art now the blessed of the Lord.
    
30. And he made them a feast, and they did eat and drink.
    
31. And they rose up betimes in the morning, and sware one to another: and Isaac sent them away, and they departed from him in peace.
    
32. And it came to pass the same day, that Isaac’s servants came, and told him concerning the well which they had digged, and said unto him, We have found water.
    
33. And he called it Shebah: therefore the name of the city is Beersheba unto this day.
    
34. And Esau was forty years old when he took to wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Bashemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite:
    
35. Which were a grief of mind unto Isaac and to Rebekah.

1. Hey, this is sounding somewhat similar to when we first met AbramHam. Famine… journey to a different land despite being wealthy…
   
2. If I were to guess, the Pharaoh (who is presumably a different one now) hates AbramHam and his kids?
   
3. I thought all the countries were supposed to have been given to AbramHam already. Does god not remember this? Does he lack the power to fulfill his own promises to the little folk?
   
4. This is basically a rehashing of what god told AbramHam. It makes me wonder if Isaac is supposed to have actually been AbramHam here.
   
5. I mean, this could just as easily say “Because that Noah obeyed etc” and still reference AbramHam.
   
6. At least the name is the same
   
7. But why? Presumably Isaac believes in the “Power Of The Lord” to protect him. WHY is he afraid at all?? This is literally Chapters 12 and 20 redone again. For no reason that I can figure.
   
   
8. Oh look, this guy is still around. I wonder if we get to hear how old he is now.
   
   
   
   
9. How would he have even heard of this?
   
   
   
   
   
10. Oh what a shame that would be. If only there was some way that Isaac could have prevented such a misunderstanding from ever happening.
    
11. At least Isaac is safe now.
    
    
    
12. Isaac has moved out from where AbramHam lived and presumably gave up all of AbramHam’s stuff?
    
13. This sounds very familiar. How long exactly was he here? 20 years? 50? Maybe he’s at that magical age of 120?
    
14. Oh look, people are getting tired of being dunked on by some young whiper-snapper.
    
    
15. But why? It seems like having wells around would be a benefit to everyone around. This seems like a contrivance to drive the “plot”.
    
16. Oh look, he’s being sent away by the king with a bunch of stuff that made him rich
    
17. AKA: He traveled about a kilometer outside the city limits and pitched tent?
    
18. At least this doesn’t do a massive recap like chapter 18 did. Still, this seems like a contrived reason to go do something.
    
    
    
    
19. Oh how lucky for them.
    
    
20. AKA: Dude, you’re literally just outside our city, try buggering off to somewhere else instead of stealing our stuff!
    
    
21. AKA: We already told you that we don’t want liars like you around. Bugger off already!
    
22. AKA: Fine, fine, I’m leaving already! Geez… if only there was someone who could have forewarned me that lying about my wife being my sister could have unforeseen consequences.
    
23. But why?
    
24. Dadgum this guy loves to reiterate things over and over again. We just heard this 20 verses ago. We get it. Isaac is AbramHam’s kid. Alternatively, god nullified the old agreement and started a new on now?
    
25. In another fashion of like father, like son, Isaac decides to build altars.
    
    
    
26. But why? There’s literally no reason given for this event. No documentation for us to read about it either.
    
27. I don’t know… maybe the lying and stealing got on their nerves? At least he’s a little further away from the city now.
    
28. How would they have any way of judging this? Presumably they are not of god’s “chosen people”, so why would they even believe that Isaac is anything special? There’s no reason for this.
    
29. AKA: Don’t start wars with us and we’ll agree not to start wars with you.
    
    
    
    
30. Isaac can eat to that idea.
    
    
31. Presumably, if the standing army nearby had attacked, Isaac would have killed them all with a small slave army like his father would have done.
    
32. Just how many wells are they digging around here? We’ve been told about 4 already.
    
    
33. This sounds like an attempt to explain a city name after the fact.
    
34. Oh no, the Hittites are coming! The Hittites are coming! Just kidding… I don’t really care.
    
    
35. They do cause some grief for Isaac later though.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 24

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 26

1. Then again Abraham took a wife, and her name was Keturah.
   
2. And she bare him Zimran, and Jokshan, and Medan, and Midian, and Ishbak, and Shuah.
   
3. And Jokshan begat Sheba, and Dedan. And the sons of Dedan were Asshurim, and Letushim, and Leummim.
   
4. And the sons of Midian; Ephah, and Epher, and Hanoch, and Abidah, and Eldaah. All these were the children of Keturah.
   
5. And Abraham gave all that he had unto Isaac.
   
6. But unto the sons of the concubines, which Abraham had, Abraham gave gifts, and sent them away from Isaac his son, while he yet lived, eastward, unto the east country.
   
7. And these are the days of the years of Abraham’s life which he lived, an hundred threescore and fifteen years.
   
8. Then Abraham gave up the ghost, and died in a good old age, an old man, and full of years; and was gathered to his people.
   
9. And his sons Isaac and Ishmael buried him in the cave of Machpelah, in the field of Ephron the son of Zohar the Hittite, which is before Mamre;
   
10. The field which Abraham purchased of the sons of Heth: there was Abraham buried, and Sarah his wife.
    
11. And it came to pass after the death of Abraham, that God blessed his son Isaac; and Isaac dwelt by the well Lahairoi.
    
12. Now these are the generations of Ishmael, Abraham’s son, whom Hagar the Egyptian, Sarah’s handmaid, bare unto Abraham:
    
13. And these are the names of the sons of Ishmael, by their names, according to their generations: the firstborn of Ishmael, Nebajoth; and Kedar, and Adbeel, and Mibsam,
    
14. And Mishma, and Dumah, and Massa,
    
15. Hadar, and Tema, Jetur, Naphish, and Kedemah:
    
16. These are the sons of Ishmael, and these are their names, by their towns, and by their castles; twelve princes according to their nations.
    
17. And these are the years of the life of Ishmael, an hundred and thirty and seven years: and he gave up the ghost and died; and was gathered unto his people.
    
18. And they dwelt from Havilah unto Shur, that is before Egypt, as thou goest toward Assyria: and he died in the presence of all his brethren.
    
19. And these are the generations of Isaac, Abraham’s son: Abraham begat Isaac:
    
20. And Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah to wife, the daughter of Bethuel the Syrian of Padanaram, the sister to Laban the Syrian.
    
21. And Isaac intreated the Lord for his wife, because she was barren: and the Lord was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived.
    
22. And the children struggled together within her; and she said, If it be so, why am I thus? And she went to enquire of the Lord.
    
23. And the Lord said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger.
    
24. And when her days to be delivered were fulfilled, behold, there were twins in her womb.
    
25. And the first came out red, all over like an hairy garment; and they called his name Esau.
    
26. And after that came his brother out, and his hand took hold on Esau’s heel; and his name was called Jacob: and Isaac was threescore years old when she bare them.
    
27. And the boys grew: and Esau was a cunning hunter, a man of the field; and Jacob was a plain man, dwelling in tents.
    
28. And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob.
    
29. And Jacob sod pottage: and Esau came from the field, and he was faint:
    
30. And Esau said to Jacob, Feed me, I pray thee, with that same red pottage; for I am faint: therefore was his name called Edom.
    
31. And Jacob said, Sell me this day thy birthright.
    
32. And Esau said, Behold, I am at the point to die: and what profit shall this birthright do to me?
    
33. And Jacob said, Swear to me this day; and he sware unto him: and he sold his birthright unto Jacob.
    
34. Then Jacob gave Esau bread and pottage of lentiles; and he did eat and drink, and rose up, and went his way: thus Esau despised his birthright.

1. So far, the bible has been ok with polygamy.
   
   
2. Worthless genealogies time!
   6 kiddos
   
3. 2 kiddos and 3 kiddos
   
   
   
4. 5 kiddos. This author’s desire for the number 7 to show up because 7 is “important” somehow is showing.
   
5. Wow. These other kids got nothing?
   
   
6. That’s not what verse 5 says. This is a better deal than Ishmael got though.
   Also… AbramHam has concubines now? Apparently that’s also allowed by the bible.
   
   
7. That comes out to 175 for those who have trouble with following the math. No respect for Genesis 6:3 either
   
8. He certainly lived to an old age. So old that god should have struck him down 55 years ago.
   
9. Wasn’t Ishmael off forming a country somewhere? This sounds like the same cave. When did Zohar become a Hittite?
   
   
10. Yep, it’s the same cave. No explanation for how Zohar is suddenly a Hittite.
    
    
11. Yes, that one from the annoyingly long chapter 24.
    
    
12. Stop springing genealogies on me by surprise! It’s not funny! I might be mentally scarred…
    
13. 4 kiddos
    
    
    
    
    
14. 3 kiddos
    
15. 5 kiddos
    
    
16. Oh look… this is starting to sound somewhat like the 12 tribes of Israel we’ll be seeing later. Any relation?
    
    
17. How rude… dying at 137 when he was clearly supposed to die 17 years ago.
    
    
    
18. So… he died mid day at lunch time with everyone?
    
    
    
19. Yeah, we already know that by now.
    
    
20. This means AbramHam was 140 at the time. Looks like plot demands we learn more about Bethuel here.
    
    
21. This uses the same misconceptions about how pregnancy happens I mentioned many chapters back. Additional proof that this isn’t a godly inspired document.
    
22. I like how everyone is able to just go check up on god here. Does he just chill around the house somewhere? A mountaintop?
    
23. Sounds like the bible is once again setting up some people to be the designated slave class. Can I take a moment to mention just how repugnant that is?
    
    
    
24. Cool.
    
    
    
25. So…. covered in blood? Does Rebekah need to have a blood transfusion? Iron tablets? I’m pretty sure she needs treatment.
    
26. That’s a pretty strong baby grasper. Anyone know babies that can firmly grasp things?
    
    
27. Sounds like we’re getting a shameless plug for the nomadic life again. Hunting/cities bad, tents/sheep good.
    
28. Keep this claim that Jacob loves Esau in mind for verse 31.
    
29. Sounds like Esau just had a hard day at work. Probably needs a nibble
    
30. He’s hungry, as most people are when they’ve been out hunting for a while. Did his name just change too?
    
31. What a dick. Sounds like he got jerk lessons from AbramHam.
    
32. That’s a fair point, but, follow me here, go ask your mom for some food. She’ll feed you.
    
33. This is incredibly stupid… on both of them.
    
    
    
34. I’m pretty sure he didn’t despise it, he ws coerced out of it at what sounds like the point of death.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 23

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 25

1. And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age: and the Lord had blessed Abraham in all things.
   
2. And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:
   
3. And I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:
   
4. But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.
   
5. And the servant said unto him, Peradventure the woman will not be willing to follow me unto this land: must I needs bring thy son again unto the land from whence thou camest?
   
6. And Abraham said unto him, Beware thou that thou bring not my son thither again.
   
7. The Lord God of heaven, which took me from my father’s house, and from the land of my kindred, and which spake unto me, and that sware unto me, saying, Unto thy seed will I give this land; he shall send his angel before thee, and thou shalt take a wife unto my son from thence.
   
8. And if the woman will not be willing to follow thee, then thou shalt be clear from this my oath: only bring not my son thither again.
   
9. And the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter.
   
10. And the servant took ten camels of the camels of his master, and departed; for all the goods of his master were in his hand: and he arose, and went to Mesopotamia, unto the city of Nahor.
    
11. And he made his camels to kneel down without the city by a well of water at the time of the evening, even the time that women go out to draw water.
    
12. And he said O Lord God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham.
    
13. Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water:
    
14. And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.
    
15. And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham’s brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder.
    
16. And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
    
17. And the servant ran to meet her, and said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher.
    
18. And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink.
    
19. And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking.
    
20. And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels.
    
21. And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the Lord had made his journey prosperous or not.
    
22. And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold;
    
23. And said, Whose daughter art thou? tell me, I pray thee: is there room in thy father’s house for us to lodge in?
    
24. And she said unto him, I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, which she bare unto Nahor.
    
25. She said moreover unto him, We have both straw and provender enough, and room to lodge in.
    
26. And the man bowed down his head, and worshipped the Lord.
    
27. And he said, Blessed be the Lord God of my master Abraham, who hath not left destitute my master of his mercy and his truth: I being in the way, the Lord led me to the house of my master’s brethren.
    
28. And the damsel ran, and told them of her mother’s house these things.
    
29. And Rebekah had a brother, and his name was Laban: and Laban ran out unto the man, unto the well.
    
30. And it came to pass, when he saw the earring and bracelets upon his sister’s hands, and when he heard the words of Rebekah his sister, saying, Thus spake the man unto me; that he came unto the man; and, behold, he stood by the camels at the well.
    
31. And he said, Come in, thou blessed of the Lord; wherefore standest thou without? for I have prepared the house, and room for the camels.
    
32. And the man came into the house: and he ungirded his camels, and gave straw and provender for the camels, and water to wash his feet, and the men’s feet that were with him.
    
33. And there was set meat before him to eat: but he said, I will not eat, until I have told mine errand. And he said, Speak on.
    
34. And he said, I am Abraham’s servant.
    
35. And the Lord hath blessed my master greatly; and he is become great: and he hath given him flocks, and herds, and silver, and gold, and menservants, and maidservants, and camels, and asses.
    
36. And Sarah my master’s wife bare a son to my master when she was old: and unto him hath he given all that he hath.
    
37. And my master made me swear, saying, Thou shalt not take a wife to my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose land I dwell:
    
38. But thou shalt go unto my father’s house, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son.
    
39. And I said unto my master, Peradventure the woman will not follow me.
    
40. And he said unto me, The Lord, before whom I walk, will send his angel with thee, and prosper thy way; and thou shalt take a wife for my son of my kindred, and of my father’s house:
    
41. Then shalt thou be clear from this my oath, when thou comest to my kindred; and if they give not thee one, thou shalt be clear from my oath.
    
42. And I came this day unto the well, and said, O Lord God of my master Abraham, if now thou do prosper my way which I go:
    
43. Behold, I stand by the well of water; and it shall come to pass, that when the virgin cometh forth to draw water, and I say to her, Give me, I pray thee, a little water of thy pitcher to drink;
    
44. And she say to me, Both drink thou, and I will also draw for thy camels: let the same be the woman whom the Lord hath appointed out for my master’s son.
    
45. And before I had done speaking in mine heart, behold, Rebekah came forth with her pitcher on her shoulder; and she went down unto the well, and drew water: and I said unto her, Let me drink, I pray thee.
    
46. And she made haste, and let down her pitcher from her shoulder, and said, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: so I drank, and she made the camels drink also.
    
47. And I asked her, and said, Whose daughter art thou? And she said, the daughter of Bethuel, Nahor’s son, whom Milcah bare unto him: and I put the earring upon her face, and the bracelets upon her hands.
    
48. And I bowed down my head, and worshipped the Lord, and blessed the Lord God of my master Abraham, which had led me in the right way to take my master’s brother’s daughter unto his son.
    
49. And now if ye will deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me: and if not, tell me; that I may turn to the right hand, or to the left.
    
50. Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceedeth from the Lord: we cannot speak unto thee bad or good.
    
51. Behold, Rebekah is before thee, take her, and go, and let her be thy master’s son’s wife, as the Lord hath spoken.
    
52. And it came to pass, that, when Abraham’s servant heard their words, he worshipped the Lord, bowing himself to the earth.
    
53. And the servant brought forth jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment, and gave them to Rebekah: he gave also to her brother and to her mother precious things.
    
54. And they did eat and drink, he and the men that were with him, and tarried all night; and they rose up in the morning, and he said, Send me away unto my master.
    
55. And her brother and her mother said, Let the damsel abide with us a few days, at the least ten; after that she shall go.
    
56. And he said unto them, Hinder me not, seeing the Lord hath prospered my way; send me away that I may go to my master.
    
57. And they said, We will call the damsel, and enquire at her mouth.
    
58. And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.
    
59. And they sent away Rebekah their sister, and her nurse, and Abraham’s servant, and his men.
    
60. And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them.
    
61. And Rebekah arose, and her damsels, and they rode upon the camels, and followed the man: and the servant took Rebekah, and went his way.
    
62. And Isaac came from the way of the well Lahairoi; for he dwelt in the south country.
    
63. And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming.
    
64. And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.
    
65. For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a vail, and covered herself.
    
66. And the servant told Isaac all things that he had done.
    
67. And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.

1. Given that Sarah died at 127, I can only assume he’s about 140 by this point. Genesis 6:3 my foot.
   
2. That sounds somewhat odd…
   
   
   
3. Does he also swear by AbramHam’s genitals what with his hand being so near to them? Why doesn’t he want his son marrying a Canaanite either?
   
   
4. AKA: Only an exotic woman from a far away place is worth presenting to my son.
   
   
5. That’s a reasonable request. What person in their right mind would really leave their family, travel to another country, and marry a man they’ve never met?
   
   
6. AKA: Here’s a non-specific threat for daring to question your master.
   
7. This is a wonderful speech and all, but I wouldn’t be feeling too convinced if I were this servant here. This sounds like god is supposed to force the woman to fall in love through the use of an angel. What about free will?
   
   
8. You’re free if you find no one, but god and his magic powers will ensure you suceed.
   
   
   
9. And, apparently, fondled him slightly while he did so.
   
   
10. Does this imply that everything AbramHam owned was 10 camels? Also, did Nahor, AbramHam’s brother, build a city since we last heard of him? Or is this just a city with the same name?
    
11. So he chooses to have his camels go take a drink when there are pretty ladies about. Smooth.
    
    
12. Apparently this god, who is not the slave’s god, but only of the slave’s master, would be expected to answer this.
    
    
13. I imagine he’s ogling a few of the ladies as they walk by too.
    
    
14. AKA: He’ll ask a random woman for some water, and she’ll give him enough for him and his camels. That sounds like something that any woman he asks would do.
    
    
    
    
    
15. Now the reason comes out for why Bethuel was mentioned before. This means that Isaac will be marrying his second cousin.
    
    
    
16. Generally speaking, men do find women fair to look on. I’m not sure why this specifically calls this out. How can he tell she’s a virgin just by looking at her?
    
17. AKA: Pretending to be thirsty.
    
    
    
18. And she, being kind, offers him a drink.
    
    
    
19. She, being kind, realizes that the animals with this rando probably need some water too. As it’s not hard to get, she gets some.
    
20. Seems like she tosses anything he didn’t drink into a trough for the camels, and then gets more?
    
21. Given that this lady has only acted like a decent human being, it seems right to wonder.
    
22. I presume that means they’re valuable?
    
    
    
    
    
23. This wouldn’t raise any red flags at all. Nope, no siree. A random stranger asking a pretty girl where she lives. Just normal.
    
24. She gives him the rundown anyways.
    
    
    
25. Even still, would you want this rando to be staying with you?
    
    
26. I assume he just falls down immediately after she says that.
    
27. Is he saying this? Thinking this? While it’s a problem with a lot of this, how would the author have any idea what he said? Do we have any sources? Any references?
    
    
28. I’d run away too, but to tell my parents to keep this crazy guy away at all costs.
    
29. So this guy runs out to the well for some reason.
    
    
30. This verse mangles time horribly. It’s not until the very end that you get told that Laban saw Rebekah get home and heard her tale that he runs out. Why have verse 29 before this?
    
    
    
31. What evidence is he basing the phrase “blessed of the Lord” on? This random guys ravings to his sister? He is very accepting if so.
    
32. So the servant shows up and washes Laban’s feet?
    
    
    
    
33. What a responsible young man.
    
    
    
34. duly noted.
    
35. Sure, sure, give AbramHam credit. He really got most of his wealth from pimping his wife out to various kings and pharaohs with the whole “ShE’s My SiStEr!11!” deception.
    
    
36. Get to the point already. A simple “AbramHam is looking for a woman to be his son’s wife” would suffice.
    
37. They never do mention why this is so though. What’s wrong with the place that AbramHam lives in that he hates the people so much?
    
38. Get to the point already.
    
    
    
39. You are spending too much time on exposition.
    
40. No angel has been present so far. This does literally nothing to drive the plot and fill up space in this book.
    
    
    
41. I didn’t realize how good the authors of genesis are at filler.
    
    
    
42. Especially since the author has added in over 10 worthless verses already.
    
    
43. And he continues to add in more…. and more…. and more…
    
    
    
    
44. And the author just keeps on writing!
    
    
    
    
45. Seriously, cut to the point already.
    
    
    
    
    
46. We already know all of this.
    
    
    
    
47. Maybe a simple “And he relayed unto the family of Nahor all of his travels and all the AbramHam told him concerning the need to find a wife for Isaac, the son of AbramHam” would have sufficied?
    
48. Because this is getting REALLY old.
    Praise the lord for forcing people to fall in love! Maybe he subcontracted this one out to aphrodite.
    
    
49. AKA: Please tell me if this entire expedition is the result of a mad man’s delusion.
    
    
50. AKA: Why should we know??
    
    
    
51. They are VERY willing to just give Rebekah up. Would anyone today do something like this? She gets no say in it??
    
52. In front of everyone again?
    
    
    
53. So… he gives away AbramHams stuff as a form of a dowry I guess? Talk about buying a bride.
    
    
54. Does he really need to be sent away? He doesn’t really report to these guys. Why not just pack up and leave like planned?
    
    
55. Reasonable request… Give the poor girl some time to straighten things out.
    
    
56. This guy REALLY wants to leave already. So much so that he doesn’t care how some girl he’s yoinking away feels.
    
57. Somewhat reasonable I guess.
    
    
58. But why? Why would she even want to leave? There’s literally no reason for her to do so. Plot demands it, I suppose
    
59. So… how many people came on this journey? The “men” here seems to imply more than just the servant.
    
60. This sounds like they somehow know of the covenant to AbramHam. Presumably he told them sometime?
    
    
    
61. They just sent her with some guy they met a day before claiming to be from AbramHam. Just how trustworthy and gullible are these people?
    
62. Oh look… another well. Apparently these things are being named all over the place
    
63. How many camels though? If there’s more than 10, it’s probably a stampede.
    
    
    
64. Jumps off the camel randomly
    
    
65. Is this where arguments for things like the hijab were originally made from?
    
    
    
    
66. See… this is exactly what verses 33-49 should have been.
    
67. AKA: They get it on asap. Apparently getting some loving on is enough to help someone feel better about losing their mother. There’s also no indication that Rebekah love Isaac in return.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 22

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 24

1. And Sarah was an hundred and seven and twenty years old: these were the years of the life of Sarah.
   
2. And Sarah died in Kirjatharba; the same is Hebron in the land of Canaan: and Abraham came to mourn for Sarah, and to weep for her.
   
3. And Abraham stood up from before his dead, and spake unto the sons of Heth, saying,
   
4. I am a stranger and a sojourner with you: give me a possession of a buryingplace with you, that I may bury my dead out of my sight.
   
5. And the children of Heth answered Abraham, saying unto him,
   
6. Hear us, my lord: thou art a mighty prince among us: in the choice of our sepulchres bury thy dead; none of us shall withhold from thee his sepulchre, but that thou mayest bury thy dead.
   
7. And Abraham stood up, and bowed himself to the people of the land, even to the children of Heth.
   
8. And he communed with them, saying, If it be your mind that I should bury my dead out of my sight; hear me, and intreat for me to Ephron the son of Zohar,
   
9. That he may give me the cave of Machpelah, which he hath, which is in the end of his field; for as much money as it is worth he shall give it me for a possession of a buryingplace amongst you.
   
10. And Ephron dwelt among the children of Heth: and Ephron the Hittite answered Abraham in the audience of the children of Heth, even of all that went in at the gate of his city, saying,
    
11. Nay, my lord, hear me: the field give I thee, and the cave that is therein, I give it thee; in the presence of the sons of my people give I it thee: bury thy dead.
    
12. And Abraham bowed down himself before the people of the land.
    
13. And he spake unto Ephron in the audience of the people of the land, saying, But if thou wilt give it, I pray thee, hear me: I will give thee money for the field; take it of me, and I will bury my dead there.
    
14. And Ephron answered Abraham, saying unto him,
    
15. My lord, hearken unto me: the land is worth four hundred shekels of silver; what is that betwixt me and thee? bury therefore thy dead.
    
16. And Abraham hearkened unto Ephron; and Abraham weighed to Ephron the silver, which he had named in the audience of the sons of Heth, four hundred shekels of silver, current money with the merchant.
    
17. And the field of Ephron which was in Machpelah, which was before Mamre, the field, and the cave which was therein, and all the trees that were in the field, that were in all the borders round about, were made sure
    
18. Unto Abraham for a possession in the presence of the children of Heth, before all that went in at the gate of his city.
    
19. And after this, Abraham buried Sarah his wife in the cave of the field of Machpelah before Mamre: the same is Hebron in the land of Canaan.
    
20. And the field, and the cave that is therein, were made sure unto Abraham for a possession of a buryingplace by the sons of Heth.

1. Looks like they still can’t keep up with Genesis 6:3. I don’t think these authors compared notes. How old is AbramHam?
   
2. If Hebron is in the land of Canaan, and god gave the land of Canaan to AbramHam… does he own Kirjatharba, aka Hebron?
   
   
3. Speak already!
   
   
   
4. AKA: Let me bury my dead wife here somewhere.
   
   
   
5. Just answer already.
   
   
6. Sounds like they’re giving quite a bit of reverence to a guy we’re supposed to believe they don’t know.
   
   
   
7. He actually shows respect back. shocking.
   
   
   
8. Boy this is getting repetitious.
   
   
   
   
9. To quote Monty python, get on with it!
   
   
   
   
   
10. Sounds like this Ephron is a pretty swell dude all things considered.
    
    
    
    
11. Giving away his field and cave for free to a guy he doesn’t know? Why?
    
    
    
12. For some reason, this doesn’t include “Even to the children of Heth” like before.
    
13. AKA: Shut up and take my damn money! I want to bury someone, I’m not looking for generosity!
    
    
    
14. These as single verses are starting to get old.
    
15. AKA: subtle haggling.
    It’s worth 400 silver sheckels, but what does that matter? Just take the damn thing you stubborn old man!
    
16. AbramHam, recognizing this subtle haggling, ponies up.
    
    
    
    
17. This author really likes to go backwards and reiterate things.
    
    
    
    
    
18. More reiteration
    
    
    
19. Good grief… stop reiterating all the things.
    
    
    
    
20. This is really getting old.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 21

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 23

1. And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham, and said unto him, Abraham: and he said, Behold, here I am.
   
2. And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
   
3. And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him.
   
4. Then on the third day Abraham lifted up his eyes, and saw the place afar off.
   
5. And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you.
   
6. And Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering, and laid it upon Isaac his son; and he took the fire in his hand, and a knife; and they went both of them together.
   
7. And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: and he said, Here am I, my son. And he said, Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?
   
8. And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering: so they went both of them together.
   
9. And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood.
   
10. And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.
    
11. And the angel of the Lord called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I.
    
12. And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.
    
13. And Abraham lifted up his eyes, and looked, and behold behind him a ram caught in a thicket by his horns: and Abraham went and took the ram, and offered him up for a burnt offering in the stead of his son.
    
14. And Abraham called the name of that place Jehovahjireh: as it is said to this day, In the mount of the Lord it shall be seen.
    
15. And the angel of the Lord called unto Abraham out of heaven the second time,
    
16. And said, By myself have I sworn, saith the Lord, for because thou hast done this thing, and hast not withheld thy son, thine only son:
    
17. That in blessing I will bless thee, and in multiplying I will multiply thy seed as the stars of the heaven, and as the sand which is upon the sea shore; and thy seed shall possess the gate of his enemies;
    
18. And in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed; because thou hast obeyed my voice.
    
19. So Abraham returned unto his young men, and they rose up and went together to Beersheba; and Abraham dwelt at Beersheba.
    
20. And it came to pass after these things, that it was told Abraham, saying, Behold, Milcah, she hath also born children unto thy brother Nahor;
    
21. Huz his firstborn, and Buz his brother, and Kemuel the father of Aram,
    
22. And Chesed, and Hazo, and Pildash, and Jidlaph, and Bethuel.
    
23. And Bethuel begat Rebekah: these eight Milcah did bear to Nahor, Abraham’s brother.
    
24. And his concubine, whose name was Reumah, she bare also Tebah, and Gaham, and Thahash, and Maachah.

1. It’s god who is tempting people now? This lends credence to Adam and Eve being kicked out the garden being a set up.
   
2. Interestingly, AbramHam, who was willing to talk down a genocidal god from outright destroying a city to only destroying a city if he couldn’t find at least 10 righteous people here, says nothing.
   
3. Gotta get a move on, sacrificing is best if we leave early.
   
   
   
   
   
4. That’s quite a trip. Hopefully he packed enough food and water.
   
5. I wonder if these young men weren’t part of the faith.
   
   
   
6. Why didn’t they just take one of the donkeys? Does god require you carry your wood for a certain distance?
   
   
7. At least he’s smart enough to ask some questions. I wonder how old he would have been.
   
   
   
8. And this is why we get the strong narrative to trust god rather than god abhorring human sacrifices
   
9. Sounds like this is escalating quickly
   
   
   
   
   
10. Father of the year award right there.
    
    
11. Who could have seen that coming.
    
    
    
12. So… was this thing all set up by an angel and god had nothing to do with it? Is this entire thing just a deception of an angel who tricked AbramHam?
    
    
13. And the angel provides. Oh wait, that was supposed to be the lord….
    Does Isaac need to go through some therapy to recover from this experience?
    
    
    
14. Presumably this means something. We get nothing in english.
    
    
15. What if AbramHam doesn’t answer the phone?
    
16. The angel and god are playing a game of telephone here. I can only imagine god saying “And I swear upon myself that….”
    
    
17. This is the 3rd tale that mentions this. I suspect that there are at least 3 different authors who wrote genesis and each of these are from different authors.
    
    
18. Obey the voice in the sky because otherwise… you don’t get asked to kill your son?
    
19. I wonder if this author would have a different age for AbramHam
    
    
    
20. Bah, genealogies starting up again. Also… who is telling this to AbramHam? I thought it was Sarah at first, but there is no mention of who this is.
    
21. 3 kiddos
    
    
22. 5 kiddos
    
    
23. Why is Bethuel mentioned here at all?
    
    
    
24. Do these 4 kids count if they’re from a concubine then? Does this mean having a concubine is allowed for Christians?