Category: Genesis Annotated

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 40

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 42

1. And it came to pass at the end of two full years, that Pharaoh dreamed: and, behold, he stood by the river.
   
2. And, behold, there came up out of the river seven well favoured kine and fatfleshed; and they fed in a meadow.
   
3. And, behold, seven other kine came up after them out of the river, ill favoured and leanfleshed; and stood by the other kine upon the brink of the river.
   
4. And the ill favoured and leanfleshed kine did eat up the seven well favoured and fat kine. So Pharaoh awoke.
   
5. And he slept and dreamed the second time: and, behold, seven ears of corn came up upon one stalk, rank and good.
   
6. And, behold, seven thin ears and blasted with the east wind sprung up after them.
   
7. And the seven thin ears devoured the seven rank and full ears. And Pharaoh awoke, and, behold, it was a dream.
   
8. And it came to pass in the morning that his spirit was troubled; and he sent and called for all the magicians of Egypt, and all the wise men thereof: and Pharaoh told them his dream; but there was none that could interpret them unto Pharaoh.
   
9. Then spake the chief butler unto Pharaoh, saying, I do remember my faults this day:
   
10. Pharaoh was wroth with his servants, and put me in ward in the captain of the guard’s house, both me and the chief baker:
    
11. And we dreamed a dream in one night, I and he; we dreamed each man according to the interpretation of his dream.
    
12. And there was there with us a young man, an Hebrew, servant to the captain of the guard; and we told him, and he interpreted to us our dreams; to each man according to his dream he did interpret.
    
13. And it came to pass, as he interpreted to us, so it was; me he restored unto mine office, and him he hanged.
    
14. Then Pharaoh sent and called Joseph, and they brought him hastily out of the dungeon: and he shaved himself, and changed his raiment, and came in unto Pharaoh.
    
15. And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, I have dreamed a dream, and there is none that can interpret it: and I have heard say of thee, that thou canst understand a dream to interpret it.
    
16. And Joseph answered Pharaoh, saying, It is not in me: God shall give Pharaoh an answer of peace.
    
17. And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, In my dream, behold, I stood upon the bank of the river:
    
18. And, behold, there came up out of the river seven kine, fatfleshed and well favoured; and they fed in a meadow:
    
19. And, behold, seven other kine came up after them, poor and very ill favoured and leanfleshed, such as I never saw in all the land of Egypt for badness:
    
20. And the lean and the ill favoured kine did eat up the first seven fat kine:
    
21. And when they had eaten them up, it could not be known that they had eaten them; but they were still ill favoured, as at the beginning. So I awoke.
    
22. And I saw in my dream, and, behold, seven ears came up in one stalk, full and good:
    
23. And, behold, seven ears, withered, thin, and blasted with the east wind, sprung up after them:
    
24. And the thin ears devoured the seven good ears: and I told this unto the magicians; but there was none that could declare it to me.
    
25. And Joseph said unto Pharaoh, The dream of Pharaoh is one: God hath shewed Pharaoh what he is about to do.
    
26. The seven good kine are seven years; and the seven good ears are seven years: the dream is one.
    
27. And the seven thin and ill favoured kine that came up after them are seven years; and the seven empty ears blasted with the east wind shall be seven years of famine.
    
28. This is the thing which I have spoken unto Pharaoh: What God is about to do he sheweth unto Pharaoh.
    
29. Behold, there come seven years of great plenty throughout all the land of Egypt:
    
30. And there shall arise after them seven years of famine; and all the plenty shall be forgotten in the land of Egypt; and the famine shall consume the land;
    
31. And the plenty shall not be known in the land by reason of that famine following; for it shall be very grievous.
    
32. And for that the dream was doubled unto Pharaoh twice; it is because the thing is established by God, and God will shortly bring it to pass.
    
33. Now therefore let Pharaoh look out a man discreet and wise, and set him over the land of Egypt.
    
34. Let Pharaoh do this, and let him appoint officers over the land, and take up the fifth part of the land of Egypt in the seven plenteous years.
    
35. And let them gather all the food of those good years that come, and lay up corn under the hand of Pharaoh, and let them keep food in the cities.
    
36. And that food shall be for store to the land against the seven years of famine, which shall be in the land of Egypt; that the land perish not through the famine.
    
37. And the thing was good in the eyes of Pharaoh, and in the eyes of all his servants.
    
38. And Pharaoh said unto his servants, Can we find such a one as this is, a man in whom the Spirit of God is?
    
39. And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, Forasmuch as God hath shewed thee all this, there is none so discreet and wise as thou art:
    
40. Thou shalt be over my house, and according unto thy word shall all my people be ruled: only in the throne will I be greater than thou.
    
41. And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, See, I have set thee over all the land of Egypt.
    
42. And Pharaoh took off his ring from his hand, and put it upon Joseph’s hand, and arrayed him in vestures of fine linen, and put a gold chain about his neck;
    
43. And he made him to ride in the second chariot which he had; and they cried before him, Bow the knee: and he made him ruler over all the land of Egypt.
    
44. And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, I am Pharaoh, and without thee shall no man lift up his hand or foot in all the land of Egypt.
    
45. And Pharaoh called Joseph’s name Zaphnathpaaneah; and he gave him to wife Asenath the daughter of Potipherah priest of On. And Joseph went out over all the land of Egypt.
    
46. And Joseph was thirty years old when he stood before Pharaoh king of Egypt. And Joseph went out from the presence of Pharaoh, and went throughout all the land of Egypt.
    
47. And in the seven plenteous years the earth brought forth by handfuls.
    
48. And he gathered up all the food of the seven years, which were in the land of Egypt, and laid up the food in the cities: the food of the field, which was round about every city, laid he up in the same.
    
49. And Joseph gathered corn as the sand of the sea, very much, until he left numbering; for it was without number.
    
50. And unto Joseph were born two sons before the years of famine came, which Asenath the daughter of Potipherah priest of On bare unto him.
    
51. And Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: For God, said he, hath made me forget all my toil, and all my father’s house.
    
52. And the name of the second called he Ephraim: For God hath caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.
    
53. And the seven years of plenteousness, that was in the land of Egypt, were ended.
    
54. And the seven years of dearth began to come, according as Joseph had said: and the dearth was in all lands; but in all the land of Egypt there was bread.
    
55. And when all the land of Egypt was famished, the people cried to Pharaoh for bread: and Pharaoh said unto all the Egyptians, Go unto Joseph; what he saith to you, do.
    
56. And the famine was over all the face of the earth: and Joseph opened all the storehouses, and sold unto the Egyptians; and the famine waxed sore in the land of Egypt.
    
57. And all countries came into Egypt to Joseph for to buy corn; because that the famine was so sore in all lands.

1. Oh look… a dream. We know what’s going to happen soon. Joseph is standing at stage left.
   
2. 7 fat cows come out of a river and are eating
   
   
3. 7 other thin cows pop out of the river and stand nearby.
   
   
   
4. The thin cows are carnivorous and eat the fat cows.
   
   
5. 7 good ears of corn show up
   
   
   
6. and 7 thin ears of corn show up
   
   
7. somehow corn manages to eat corn. Are we supposed to be surprised this was a dream when we’re told it was a dream?
   
8. But why? People have weird dreams all the time and don’t get all troubled by it.
   
   
   
   
   
9. AKA: The butler is going to own up about Joseph
   
10. References the last chapter
    
    
    
11. Also referencing the last chapter
    
    
    
12. Sounds like we’re about to have Joseph yoinked out of his cell because this is about him.
    
    
    
13. We never get to know the Pharaoh or the butler’s name, do we?
    
    
14. How nice of them to allow him to clean himself up after who knows how long in a dungeon.
    
    
    
15. AKA: Interpret this dream already
    
    
    
    
    
16. AKA: I can’t, god can.
    
    
    
17. Dadgummit… I hate when the writers do this. Is it because there were multiple writers who didn’t collaborate??
    
18. next
    
    
    
19. next
    
    
    
    
20. next
    
    
21. next
    
    
    
    
22. hurry up
    
    
23. Stop repeating
    
    
    
24. we already heard this
    
    
    
25. And now we get to interpreting.
    
    
    
26. 7 good years are coming
    
    
    
27. followed by 7 years of famine. These authors REALLY like the number 7.
    
    
    
28. Why doesn’t the Pharaoh ever ask which god Joseph is referring to?
    
    
29. And we get more repetition
    
    
30. And even more
    
    
    
    
31. AKA: This is going to be a terrible famine
    
    
    
32. This sounds like a justification for adding in repetitions and stories from different authors.
    
    
33. AKA: Hey Pharaoh, find someone smart to do something about this.
    
    
34. AKA: This guy should use 1/5th of the land in egypt to stock up
    
    
    
35. How are they going to store all this? And how would they keep it from rotting? They don’t have any technology for this.
    
    
36. Good idea, but still… how would you store all of this?
    
    
    
37. AKA: Pharaoh agrees
    
    
38. Why would the Pharaoh, someone who would not believe in the Hebrew god, ask this question?
    
39. Again with the mentioning of god, singular. Did the bible writers not know anything about Egyptian gods?
    
40. Oh look, this is pretty much the exact same thing as has always happened. Joesph is just SO awesome, you know?
    
    
41. And this starts a bunch of mythologizing
    
    
42. Yeah…. probably never happened, even if Joseph existed (heavily debatable).
    
    
    
43. Also probably never happened.
    
    
    
    
44. This sounds remarkably like the Pharaoh is handing over all control to Joseph. This would never happen.
    
45. What is with the name changes that every person we’ve followed has randomly had?
    
    
    
    
46. AKA: Joseph gets to work
    
    
    
    
    
47. We’re supposed to find this amazing, but it seems more likely that this is a story.
    
48. Presumably he didn’t gather up all the food.. people still gotta eat
    
    
    
    
49. That would be a lot of corn. Is this more, or less, than we make in a year with modern farming techniques? We can count that.
    
50. Again with the annoying repetition within a verse repeating. Joseph gets two kiddos.
    
    
    
51. Presumably this is supposed to mean something special in Hebrew.
    
    
    
52. And presumably this is supposed to mean something in hebrew too?
    
    
53. Famine starts.
    
    
54. Time to start using the stores of food I guess.
    
    
    
55. AKA: Pharaoh tells them “It’s not my problem”
    
    
    
    
56. And he starts selling the food to the Egyptians. Probably did wonders for the Egyptian royal treasury. Any records of this? No? Oh, no reason… just curious…
    
    
57. If this was truly worldwide, Egypt would have run out of food pretty quickly if everyone bought from them. If this happened, it was regional.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 39

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 41

1. And it came to pass after these things, that the butler of the king of Egypt and his baker had offended their lord the king of Egypt.
   
2. And Pharaoh was wroth against two of his officers, against the chief of the butlers, and against the chief of the bakers.
   
3. And he put them in ward in the house of the captain of the guard, into the prison, the place where Joseph was bound.
   
4. And the captain of the guard charged Joseph with them, and he served them: and they continued a season in ward.
   
5. And they dreamed a dream both of them, each man his dream in one night, each man according to the interpretation of his dream, the butler and the baker of the king of Egypt, which were bound in the prison.
   
6. And Joseph came in unto them in the morning, and looked upon them, and, behold, they were sad.
   
7. And he asked Pharaoh’s officers that were with him in the ward of his lord’s house, saying, Wherefore look ye so sadly to day?
   
8. And they said unto him, We have dreamed a dream, and there is no interpreter of it. And Joseph said unto them, Do not interpretations belong to God? tell me them, I pray you.
   
9. And the chief butler told his dream to Joseph, and said to him, In my dream, behold, a vine was before me;
   
10. And in the vine were three branches: and it was as though it budded, and her blossoms shot forth; and the clusters thereof brought forth ripe grapes:
    
11. And Pharaoh’s cup was in my hand: and I took the grapes, and pressed them into Pharaoh’s cup, and I gave the cup into Pharaoh’s hand.
    
12. And Joseph said unto him, This is the interpretation of it: The three branches are three days:
    
13. Yet within three days shall Pharaoh lift up thine head, and restore thee unto thy place: and thou shalt deliver Pharaoh’s cup into his hand, after the former manner when thou wast his butler.
    
14. But think on me when it shall be well with thee, and shew kindness, I pray thee, unto me, and make mention of me unto Pharaoh, and bring me out of this house:
    
15. For indeed I was stolen away out of the land of the Hebrews: and here also have I done nothing that they should put me into the dungeon.
    
16. When the chief baker saw that the interpretation was good, he said unto Joseph, I also was in my dream, and, behold, I had three white baskets on my head:
    
17. And in the uppermost basket there was of all manner of bakemeats for Pharaoh; and the birds did eat them out of the basket upon my head.
    
18. And Joseph answered and said, This is the interpretation thereof: The three baskets are three days:
    
19. Yet within three days shall Pharaoh lift up thy head from off thee, and shall hang thee on a tree; and the birds shall eat thy flesh from off thee.
    
20. And it came to pass the third day, which was Pharaoh’s birthday, that he made a feast unto all his servants: and he lifted up the head of the chief butler and of the chief baker among his servants.
    
21. And he restored the chief butler unto his butlership again; and he gave the cup into Pharaoh’s hand:
    
22. But he hanged the chief baker: as Joseph had interpreted to them.
    
23. Yet did not the chief butler remember Joseph, but forgat him.

1. We never hear about why. Any records we could use to back this up with?
   
   
   
2. Again, why? What did these guys do to deserve this? Steal a sweetroll?
   
   
3. This sounds like there is either one prison where prisoners are sent, or Joseph is already in the capital.
   
4. This is still a terrible idea. Why have a prisoner in charge of other prisoners? This warden should be fired.
   
5. This verse shows the common repetitions that happened due to this being an oral epic, this verse does show.
   
   
   
6. How many prisoners are in here? Presumably Joseph knows these two personally.
   
7. Stop repeating yourself. I really hate this waste of time.
   
   
8. The Baker and the Butler should have immediately asked “Which one? Osiris? Amun? Ra? Amun-Ra? Tutu? …” This book takes the Hebrew god as a fact and works with that assumption though.
   
9. Dude saw a vine
   
   
   
10. Vines are considered female apparently.
    
    
    
    
11. Gives the Pharaoh some fresh made wine.
    
    
    
    
12. Ok, but what does the vine itself represent then?
    
    
13. AKA: It’s gonna be fine dude. You’re getting your job back.
    
    
    
    
14. AKA: Get me outta here when you’re free.
    
    
    
    
15. I’m pretty sure many people in prison claim they’re innocent.
    
    
    
16. This guy assumes that Joseph is going to give him a good interpretation as well?
    
    
    
    
17. I can guess that, due to story telling symmetry and lack of a pharaoh in this one, that this guy is gonna die in 3 days.
    
    
18. Got the 3 days part
    
    
    
19. And the dead part.
    
    
    
    
20. Pharaoh’s gotta party
    
    
    
    
    
21. What a shock… prophecy fulfillment in a work of fiction. Who could have seen that coming?
    
22. See note for verse 21
    
    
23. AKA: The butler is a dick.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 38

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 40

1. And Joseph was brought down to Egypt; and Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh, captain of the guard, an Egyptian, bought him of the hands of the Ishmeelites, which had brought him down thither.
   
2. And the Lord was with Joseph, and he was a prosperous man; and he was in the house of his master the Egyptian.
   
3. And his master saw that the Lord was with him, and that the Lord made all that he did to prosper in his hand.
   
4. And Joseph found grace in his sight, and he served him: and he made him overseer over his house, and all that he had he put into his hand.
   
5. And it came to pass from the time that he had made him overseer in his house, and over all that he had, that the Lord blessed the Egyptian’s house for Joseph’s sake; and the blessing of the Lord was upon all that he had in the house, and in the field.
   
6. And he left all that he had in Joseph’s hand; and he knew not ought he had, save the bread which he did eat. And Joseph was a goodly person, and well favoured.
   
7. And it came to pass after these things, that his master’s wife cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me.
   
8. But he refused, and said unto his master’s wife, Behold, my master wotteth not what is with me in the house, and he hath committed all that he hath to my hand;
   
9. There is none greater in this house than I; neither hath he kept back any thing from me but thee, because thou art his wife: how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?
   
10. And it came to pass, as she spake to Joseph day by day, that he hearkened not unto her, to lie by her, or to be with her.
    
11. And it came to pass about this time, that Joseph went into the house to do his business; and there was none of the men of the house there within.
    
12. And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out.
    
13. And it came to pass, when she saw that he had left his garment in her hand, and was fled forth,
    
14. That she called unto the men of her house, and spake unto them, saying, See, he hath brought in an Hebrew unto us to mock us; he came in unto me to lie with me, and I cried with a loud voice:
    
15. And it came to pass, when he heard that I lifted up my voice and cried, that he left his garment with me, and fled, and got him out.
    
16. And she laid up his garment by her, until his lord came home.
    
17. And she spake unto him according to these words, saying, The Hebrew servant, which thou hast brought unto us, came in unto me to mock me:
    
18. And it came to pass, as I lifted up my voice and cried, that he left his garment with me, and fled out.
    
19. And it came to pass, when his master heard the words of his wife, which she spake unto him, saying, After this manner did thy servant to me; that his wrath was kindled.
    
20. And Joseph’s master took him, and put him into the prison, a place where the king’s prisoners were bound: and he was there in the prison.
    
21. But the Lord was with Joseph, and shewed him mercy, and gave him favour in the sight of the keeper of the prison.
    
22. And the keeper of the prison committed to Joseph’s hand all the prisoners that were in the prison; and whatsoever they did there, he was the doer of it.
    
23. The keeper of the prison looked not to any thing that was under his hand; because the Lord was with him, and that which he did, the Lord made it to prosper.

1. There’s a lot of stuff going on in Egypt according to the bible… I wonder why there’s no records of any of this stuff…
   
   
   
2. Because the Israelites are just the best, amirite?
   
   
3. How? According to the bible, the Egyptians would have no basis to make a judgement like this. They don’t know god.
   
4. Because Joseph’s gotta have some special status if we’re going to make a story out of this.
   
   
5. With a setup like this, you know something is about to go wrong. The bible shows, if nothing else, that anything the Lord blesses someone, that person suffers soon thereafter. Maybe getting a blessing from god isn’t a good thing after all.
   
6. AKA: This Joseph guy is just the best, he does everything for this dude.
   
   
   
7. Time for the party to get started.
   
   
   
8. Given how eager everyone has been to get laid so far, this seems like an odd choice.
   
   
   
9. Did Joseph’s master tell him not to sleep with his wife at some point? I must have missed that relevant plot point.
   
   
   
10. Sounds like this woman won’t take no for an answer… just like many men I’ve heard of doing the same.
    
11. What time is this? How long has this been? Has Joseph been there days? Months? Years? No one knows.
    
    
12. Does this mean he fled out the door naked? Did they not wear any other clothing?
    
13. AKA: She’s gonna get her revenge. I think we’re supposed to hate her, but I just think god’s a dick for not helping out.
    
14. Oh no… she’s lying. How could anyone ever do such a thing? It’s not like we’ve ever seen anyone do that before. *cough* Abram *cough* Isaac *cough*. Also, shouldn’t that be Israelite, not Hebrew?
    
    
15. Anyone watching the house certainly would have seen the last part of this occur.
    
    
16. Has he been naked this entire time? Seriously…. it’s an important question!
    
17. Mock appears to be a euphemism for having sex in this context.
    
    
    
18. We already heard this… stop repeating yourself bible authors.
    
    
19. It seems to me that this entire story is an interweaving of two authors. One telling a story where the men were told, one where the master was told.
    
20. Lock him away, and redundantly repeat that he was locked away there. I really hate this repetition… I know it’s because it was an oral poem, but still… it’s annoying.
    
21. Seems like god could have done this with the master earlier. We get a better story this way though.
    
22. AKA: This guy does exactly the same thing that the other master did… why would you put a prisoner in charge of other prisoners though? That’s a terrible idea.
    
23. AKA: Joseph was able to get away with anything he wanted while he was in prison because the keeper decided Joseph was cool (because god made it happen).

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 37

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 39

1. And it came to pass at that time, that Judah went down from his brethren, and turned in to a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah.
   
2. And Judah saw there a daughter of a certain Canaanite, whose name was Shuah; and he took her, and went in unto her.
   
3. And she conceived, and bare a son; and he called his name Er.
   
4. And she conceived again, and bare a son; and she called his name Onan.
   
5. And she yet again conceived, and bare a son; and called his name Shelah: and he was at Chezib, when she bare him.
   
6. And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar.
   
7. And Er, Judah’s firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord; and the Lord slew him.
   
8. And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother’s wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.
   
9. And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
   
10. And the thing which he did displeased the Lord: wherefore he slew him also.
    
11. Then said Judah to Tamar his daughter in law, Remain a widow at thy father’s house, till Shelah my son be grown: for he said, Lest peradventure he die also, as his brethren did. And Tamar went and dwelt in her father’s house.
    
12. And in process of time the daughter of Shuah Judah’s wife died; and Judah was comforted, and went up unto his sheepshearers to Timnath, he and his friend Hirah the Adullamite.
    
13. And it was told Tamar, saying, Behold thy father in law goeth up to Timnath to shear his sheep.
    
14. And she put her widow’s garments off from her, and covered her with a vail, and wrapped herself, and sat in an open place, which is by the way to Timnath; for she saw that Shelah was grown, and she was not given unto him to wife.
    
15. When Judah saw her, he thought her to be an harlot; because she had covered her face.
    
16. And he turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee; (for he knew not that she was his daughter in law.) And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me?
    
17. And he said, I will send thee a kid from the flock. And she said, Wilt thou give me a pledge, till thou send it?
    
18. And he said, What pledge shall I give thee? And she said, Thy signet, and thy bracelets, and thy staff that is in thine hand. And he gave it her, and came in unto her, and she conceived by him.
    
19. And she arose, and went away, and laid by her vail from her, and put on the garments of her widowhood.
    
20. And Judah sent the kid by the hand of his friend the Adullamite, to receive his pledge from the woman’s hand: but he found her not.
    
21. Then he asked the men of that place, saying, Where is the harlot, that was openly by the way side? And they said, There was no harlot in this place.
    
22. And he returned to Judah, and said, I cannot find her; and also the men of the place said, that there was no harlot in this place.
    
23. And Judah said, Let her take it to her, lest we be shamed: behold, I sent this kid, and thou hast not found her.
    
24. And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt.
    
25. When she was brought forth, she sent to her father in law, saying, By the man, whose these are, am I with child: and she said, Discern, I pray thee, whose are these, the signet, and bracelets, and staff.
    
26. And Judah acknowledged them, and said, She hath been more righteous than I; because that I gave her not to Shelah my son. And he knew her again no more.
    
27. And it came to pass in the time of her travail, that, behold, twins were in her womb.
    
28. And it came to pass, when she travailed, that the one put out his hand: and the midwife took and bound upon his hand a scarlet thread, saying, This came out first.
    
29. And it came to pass, as he drew back his hand, that, behold, his brother came out: and she said, How hast thou broken forth? this breach be upon thee: therefore his name was called Pharez.
    
30. And afterward came out his brother, that had the scarlet thread upon his hand: and his name was called Zarah.

1. This is one of Jacob’s sons in case you’ve forgotten.
   
   
   
2. Did she consent to it? Presumably this is different from when Jacob’s daughter was raped… but we’re not shown how.
   
3. This better not start another dadgum genealogy again.
   
4. It seems like another small genealogy yet again.
   
5. Thankfully this genealogy is a very short one. Don’t get too attached to any of these kids though.
   
6. Did this woman consent to becoming someone’s wife as well?
   
7. But why? We’re never told why. We haven’t received many rules yet.
   
8. Did she consent to this as well? Look at the bible… turning women into objects. Women had no rights at the time period.
   
9. Onan decides that doing the wife of his deceased brother is probably not the best idea. Perhaps she didn’t consent to anything after all? Maybe she actually killed Er and claimed god did it.
   
10. God punishes Onan too because Onan decided it wasn’t right? That’s silly.
    
11. Let’s get this straight: 2 of Judah’s children have died due to things related to this woman. To be fair, maybe they deserved it. He’s going to send this woman to another of his children and hope the same thing doesn’t happen?
    
12. Why was he comforted by his wife dying?
    
    
    
    
    
13. Sounds like plot development
    
    
    
14. Does she want to be wife to Shelah then?
    
    
    
    
    
    
15. Prostitution… it’s in the bible.
    
    
    
16. It sounds like she gets a chance to consent to this one at least.
    
    
    
    
    
17. Is this a worthwhile trade? I suppose it’s not bestiality like in Genesis chapter 2.
    
    
18. Apparently this is a good trade for a sheep as well.
    
    
    
    
19. Sounds like she just wanted to get laid. Nothing wrong with that.
    
    
20. Oh no, the random mystery woman has vanished.
    
    
    
21. Apparently she never existed! If only he stopped searching now and claimed it was some spiritual thing, this would be hilarious.
    
22. He’s really hung up on this for some reason. Is it because he wants to have his staff back?
    
    
23. How many people has he asked about this now?
    
    
24. What sort of demented logic is this?
    
    
    
    
    
    
25. AKA: Figure out whose these are and that’s whose kid I’m carrying.
    
    
    
    
26. This is very demented. Judah was going to hill her, and the only reason he didn’t is because he found out she has his kid. He would have killed her if it was another’s son
    
27. She had twins. Alright.
    
    
    
28. This kiddo is the first of the twins. How did they know there were twins?
    
    
    
29. Pharez is the first kid.
    
    
    
    
    
30. Zarah is second.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 36

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 38

1. And Jacob dwelt in the land wherein his father was a stranger, in the land of Canaan.
   
2. These are the generations of Jacob. Joseph, being seventeen years old, was feeding the flock with his brethren; and the lad was with the sons of Bilhah, and with the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives: and Joseph brought unto his father their evil report.
   
3. Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colours.
   
4. And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.
   
5. And Joseph dreamed a dream, and he told it his brethren: and they hated him yet the more.
   
6. And he said unto them, Hear, I pray you, this dream which I have dreamed:
   
7. For, behold, we were binding sheaves in the field, and, lo, my sheaf arose, and also stood upright; and, behold, your sheaves stood round about, and made obeisance to my sheaf.
   
8. And his brethren said to him, Shalt thou indeed reign over us? or shalt thou indeed have dominion over us? And they hated him yet the more for his dreams, and for his words.
   
9. And he dreamed yet another dream, and told it his brethren, and said, Behold, I have dreamed a dream more; and, behold, the sun and the moon and the eleven stars made obeisance to me.
   
10. And he told it to his father, and to his brethren: and his father rebuked him, and said unto him, What is this dream that thou hast dreamed? Shall I and thy mother and thy brethren indeed come to bow down ourselves to thee to the earth?
    
11. And his brethren envied him; but his father observed the saying.
    
12. And his brethren went to feed their father’s flock in Shechem.
    
13. And Israel said unto Joseph, Do not thy brethren feed the flock in Shechem? come, and I will send thee unto them. And he said to him, Here am I.
    
14. And he said to him, Go, I pray thee, see whether it be well with thy brethren, and well with the flocks; and bring me word again. So he sent him out of the vale of Hebron, and he came to Shechem.
    
15. And a certain man found him, and, behold, he was wandering in the field: and the man asked him, saying, What seekest thou?
    
16. And he said, I seek my brethren: tell me, I pray thee, where they feed their flocks.
    
17. And the man said, They are departed hence; for I heard them say, Let us go to Dothan. And Joseph went after his brethren, and found them in Dothan.
    
18. And when they saw him afar off, even before he came near unto them, they conspired against him to slay him.
    
19. And they said one to another, Behold, this dreamer cometh.
    
20. Come now therefore, and let us slay him, and cast him into some pit, and we will say, Some evil beast hath devoured him: and we shall see what will become of his dreams.
    
21. And Reuben heard it, and he delivered him out of their hands; and said, Let us not kill him.
    
22. And Reuben said unto them, Shed no blood, but cast him into this pit that is in the wilderness, and lay no hand upon him; that he might rid him out of their hands, to deliver him to his father again.
    
23. And it came to pass, when Joseph was come unto his brethren, that they stript Joseph out of his coat, his coat of many colours that was on him;
    
24. And they took him, and cast him into a pit: and the pit was empty, there was no water in it.
    
25. And they sat down to eat bread: and they lifted up their eyes and looked, and, behold, a company of Ishmeelites came from Gilead with their camels bearing spicery and balm and myrrh, going to carry it down to Egypt.
    
26. And Judah said unto his brethren, What profit is it if we slay our brother, and conceal his blood?
    
27. Come, and let us sell him to the Ishmeelites, and let not our hand be upon him; for he is our brother and our flesh. And his brethren were content.
    
28. Then there passed by Midianites merchantmen; and they drew and lifted up Joseph out of the pit, and sold Joseph to the Ishmeelites for twenty pieces of silver: and they brought Joseph into Egypt.
    
29. And Reuben returned unto the pit; and, behold, Joseph was not in the pit; and he rent his clothes.
    
30. And he returned unto his brethren, and said, The child is not; and I, whither shall I go?
    
31. And they took Joseph’s coat, and killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the coat in the blood;
    
32. And they sent the coat of many colours, and they brought it to their father; and said, This have we found: know now whether it be thy son’s coat or no.
    
33. And he knew it, and said, It is my son’s coat; an evil beast hath devoured him; Joseph is without doubt rent in pieces.
    
34. And Jacob rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days.
    
    
35. And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him.
    
36. And the Midianites sold him into Egypt unto Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh’s, and captain of the guard.

1. Didn’t his father LIVE in Canaa, just like AbramHam did?
   
   
2. Thankfully, this one doesn’t kick off a genealogy like I feared it might.
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. Sounds like favoritism to me. Also, note the inconsistent, random name change again.
   
   
   
4. Doesn’t quite seem like a measured response.
   
   
   
5. Must have been a good dream
   
   
   
6. Don’t do it!
   
   
7. Yeah, telling people that they should bow down to you really doesn’t go over well.
   
   
   
   
8. Dudes, chill, it’s literally just a dream. If Joseph is the youngest, let him dream.
   
   
   
   
9. Sounds like he has a big opinion of himself.
   
   
   
   
   
10. At least he’s mostly chill about it. Just says no.
    
    
    
    
    
11. So… doesn’t care?
    
    
12. aight.
    
    
13. Gwan, git to work!
    
    
    
    
14. Just wants Jaseph to check up on the others.
    
    
    
    
15. Random dude shows up.
    
    
    
16. Talking to strangers is a good thing, kids!
    
    
17. How does this guy know where to find them anyways? This sounds like as convenient a plot device as any.
    
    
18. Killing your brother seems a little much for him having big dreams.
    
    
19. And now they decide to mock him.
    
    
20. Again with wanting to kill him. Are we supposed to emulate this thinking in our day to day life? It IS in the bible afterall…
    
    
21. Finally, a voice of reason.
    
    
    
22. This is confusingly worded. Reuben wants to toss him in a pit so Reuben can come back later and free Joseph.
    
    
    
23. How rude!
    
    
    
    
24. At least he didn’t get wet.
    
    
    
25. Sounds like a plot device to me.
    
    
    
    
    
    
26. There’s a reasonable question. I think I found the Chaotic Neutral one of the party.
    
    
27. Or maybe he’s Chaotic evil? I’m not sure. Could be Neutral evil…
    
    
    
28. Is this worth more than Jesus because of the time period? Jesus was sold for 30 “pieces of silver” later.
    
    
    
29. Oh no, if only he could have anticipated his brothers wanting to get rid of Joseph somehow…
    
30. Did they not think this through? Just tell Reuben that something fell in the pit and ate Joseph.
    
31. Seems a bit dramatic.
    
    
    
32. I’m pretty sure the way that they phrase this would light off warning bells to anyone.
    
    
    
33. nom nom nom
    
    
    
34. He’s saddened by the loss… if only the brothers could have seen this coming! Who knew death caused sorrow? Also, looks like he’s being called Jacob again.
    
35. Dang dude, you have a lot of life ahead of you. You’ll get over it.
    
    
    
    
36. mmkay.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 35

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 37

1. Now these are the generations of Esau, who is Edom.
   
2. Esau took his wives of the daughters of Canaan; Adah the daughter of Elon the Hittite, and Aholibamah the daughter of Anah the daughter of Zibeon the Hivite;
   
3. And Bashemath Ishmael’s daughter, sister of Nebajoth.
   
4. And Adah bare to Esau Eliphaz; and Bashemath bare Reuel;
   
5. And Aholibamah bare Jeush, and Jaalam, and Korah: these are the sons of Esau, which were born unto him in the land of Canaan.
   
6. And Esau took his wives, and his sons, and his daughters, and all the persons of his house, and his cattle, and all his beasts, and all his substance, which he had got in the land of Canaan; and went into the country from the face of his brother Jacob.
   
7. For their riches were more than that they might dwell together; and the land wherein they were strangers could not bear them because of their cattle.
   
8. Thus dwelt Esau in mount Seir: Esau is Edom.
   
9. And these are the generations of Esau the father of the Edomites in mount Seir:
   
10. These are the names of Esau’s sons; Eliphaz the son of Adah the wife of Esau, Reuel the son of Bashemath the wife of Esau.
    
11. And the sons of Eliphaz were Teman, Omar, Zepho, and Gatam, and Kenaz.
    
12. And Timna was concubine to Eliphaz Esau’s son; and she bare to Eliphaz Amalek: these were the sons of Adah Esau’s wife.
    
13. And these are the sons of Reuel; Nahath, and Zerah, Shammah, and Mizzah: these were the sons of Bashemath Esau’s wife.
    
14. And these were the sons of Aholibamah, the daughter of Anah the daughter of Zibeon, Esau’s wife: and she bare to Esau Jeush, and Jaalam, and Korah.
    
15. These were dukes of the sons of Esau: the sons of Eliphaz the firstborn son of Esau; duke Teman, duke Omar, duke Zepho, duke Kenaz,
    
16. Duke Korah, duke Gatam, and duke Amalek: these are the dukes that came of Eliphaz in the land of Edom; these were the sons of Adah.
    
17. And these are the sons of Reuel Esau’s son; duke Nahath, duke Zerah, duke Shammah, duke Mizzah: these are the dukes that came of Reuel in the land of Edom; these are the sons of Bashemath Esau’s wife.
    
18. And these are the sons of Aholibamah Esau’s wife; duke Jeush, duke Jaalam, duke Korah: these were the dukes that came of Aholibamah the daughter of Anah, Esau’s wife.
    
19. These are the sons of Esau, who is Edom, and these are their dukes.
    
20. These are the sons of Seir the Horite, who inhabited the land; Lotan, and Shobal, and Zibeon, and Anah,
    
21. And Dishon, and Ezer, and Dishan: these are the dukes of the Horites, the children of Seir in the land of Edom.
    
22. And the children of Lotan were Hori and Hemam; and Lotan’s sister was Timna.
    
23. And the children of Shobal were these; Alvan, and Manahath, and Ebal, Shepho, and Onam.
    
24. And these are the children of Zibeon; both Ajah, and Anah: this was that Anah that found the mules in the wilderness, as he fed the asses of Zibeon his father.
    
25. And the children of Anah were these; Dishon, and Aholibamah the daughter of Anah.
    
26. And these are the children of Dishon; Hemdan, and Eshban, and Ithran, and Cheran.
    
27. The children of Ezer are these; Bilhan, and Zaavan, and Akan.
    
28. The children of Dishan are these; Uz, and Aran.
    
29. These are the dukes that came of the Horites; duke Lotan, duke Shobal, duke Zibeon, duke Anah,
    
30. Duke Dishon, duke Ezer, duke Dishan: these are the dukes that came of Hori, among their dukes in the land of Seir.
    
31. And these are the kings that reigned in the land of Edom, before there reigned any king over the children of Israel.
    
32. And Bela the son of Beor reigned in Edom: and the name of his city was Dinhabah.
    
33. And Bela died, and Jobab the son of Zerah of Bozrah reigned in his stead.
    
34. And Jobab died, and Husham of the land of Temani reigned in his stead.
    
35. And Husham died, and Hadad the son of Bedad, who smote Midian in the field of Moab, reigned in his stead: and the name of his city was Avith.
    
36. And Hadad died, and Samlah of Masrekah reigned in his stead.
    
37. And Samlah died, and Saul of Rehoboth by the river reigned in his stead.
    
38. And Saul died, and Baalhanan the son of Achbor reigned in his stead.
    
39. And Baalhanan the son of Achbor died, and Hadar reigned in his stead: and the name of his city was Pau; and his wife’s name was Mehetabel, the daughter of Matred, the daughter of Mezahab.
    
40. And these are the names of the dukes that came of Esau, according to their families, after their places, by their names; duke Timnah, duke Alvah, duke Jetheth,
    
41. Duke Aholibamah, duke Elah, duke Pinon,
    
42. Duke Kenaz, duke Teman, duke Mibzar,
    
43. Duke Magdiel, duke Iram: these be the dukes of Edom, according to their habitations in the land of their possession: he is Esau the father of the Edomites.

1. Does this claim that Esau had a name change too?
   
2. This dude had 2 wives as well. Apparently god is cool with polygamy.
   
   
   
3. Wait, looks like he got upgraded to a third wife.
   
4. 2 kiddos (Presumably only sons being counted)
   
5. 3 kiddos (Only sons counted again)
   
   
   
   
6. But why? Is he annoyed at the whole “Being cheated out of inheritance and blessing” still? I would be too.
   
   
   
   
7. AKA: They had too much cattle and they were starting to over graze the land.
   
   
   
8. This is implying that Esau gets his name changed sometime off-screen again.
   
9. Welp, let’s get to the boring stuff.
   
   
10. 2 sons (not counting daughters?). But we already met these ones.
    
    
    
11. Note that this is Esau’s son’s sons, of which there are 5.
    
12. 1 more son for Eliphaz
    
    
    
13. 4 sons. Really discriminatory that they don’t count the daughters.
    
    
14. 3 bois.
    
    
    
    
15. All of them achieved duke-dom
    
    
    
    
16. The rest of them are also dukes. That’s gotta get annoying.
    
    
    
17. All dukes as well. They’re just handing out titles left and right.
    
    
    
    
    
18. All also dukes. No one gets left out.
    
    
    
    
    
19. Seriously, when did he get a name change?
    
    
20. Who is this guy and why do we care about him? Trick question: We don’t.
    
    
21. Get on with it already. You’ve artificially padded the read time enough.
    
    
22. 2 kiddos and introducing another person we don’t care about.
    
23. 5 kiddos, not that we really care
    
    
    
24. 2 kiddos. Not that anyone cares.
    
    
    
    
25. 2 kiddos, not that we care.
    
    
    
26. 4 kiddos, not that we care.
    
    
    
27. 3 kiddos, not that we care.
    
    
28. 2 kiddos, not that we care.
    
    
29. Seriously, we don’t care. Everyone is going to be a duke, JUST SAY THAT INSTEAD!!
    
    
30. Aight, I’m done here. This entire chapter is just to pad the reading time and I hate it.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 34

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 36

1. And God said unto Jacob, Arise, go up to Bethel, and dwell there: and make there an altar unto God, that appeared unto thee when thou fleddest from the face of Esau thy brother.
   
2. Then Jacob said unto his household, and to all that were with him, Put away the strange gods that are among you, and be clean, and change your garments:
   
3. And let us arise, and go up to Bethel; and I will make there an altar unto God, who answered me in the day of my distress, and was with me in the way which I went.
   
4. And they gave unto Jacob all the strange gods which were in their hand, and all their earrings which were in their ears; and Jacob hid them under the oak which was by Shechem.
   
5. And they journeyed: and the terror of God was upon the cities that were round about them, and they did not pursue after the sons of Jacob.
   
6. So Jacob came to Luz, which is in the land of Canaan, that is, Bethel, he and all the people that were with him.
   
7. And he built there an altar, and called the place Elbethel: because there God appeared unto him, when he fled from the face of his brother.
   
8. But Deborah, Rebekah’s nurse died, and she was buried beneath Bethel under an oak: and the name of it was called Allonbachuth.
   
9. And God appeared unto Jacob again, when he came out of Padanaram, and blessed him.
   
10. And God said unto him, Thy name is Jacob: thy name shall not be called any more Jacob, but Israel shall be thy name: and he called his name Israel.
    
11. And God said unto him, I am God Almighty: be fruitful and multiply; a nation and a company of nations shall be of thee, and kings shall come out of thy loins;
    
12. And the land which I gave Abraham and Isaac, to thee I will give it, and to thy seed after thee will I give the land.
    
13. And God went up from him in the place where he talked with him.
    
14. And Jacob set up a pillar in the place where he talked with him, even a pillar of stone: and he poured a drink offering thereon, and he poured oil thereon.
    
15. And Jacob called the name of the place where God spake with him, Bethel.
    
16. And they journeyed from Bethel; and there was but a little way to come to Ephrath: and Rachel travailed, and she had hard labour.
    
17. And it came to pass, when she was in hard labour, that the midwife said unto her, Fear not; thou shalt have this son also.
    
18. And it came to pass, as her soul was in departing, (for she died) that she called his name Benoni: but his father called him Benjamin.
    
19. And Rachel died, and was buried in the way to Ephrath, which is Bethlehem.
    
20. And Jacob set a pillar upon her grave: that is the pillar of Rachel’s grave unto this day.
    
21. And Israel journeyed, and spread his tent beyond the tower of Edar.
    
22. And it came to pass, when Israel dwelt in that land, that Reuben went and lay with Bilhah his father’s concubine: and Israel heard it. Now the sons of Jacob were twelve:
    
23. The sons of Leah; Reuben, Jacob’s firstborn, and Simeon, and Levi, and Judah, and Issachar, and Zebulun:
    
24. The sons of Rachel; Joseph, and Benjamin:
    
25. And the sons of Bilhah, Rachel’s handmaid; Dan, and Naphtali:
    
26. And the sons of Zilpah, Leah’s handmaid: Gad, and Asher: these are the sons of Jacob, which were born to him in Padanaram.
    
27. And Jacob came unto Isaac his father unto Mamre, unto the city of Arbah, which is Hebron, where Abraham and Isaac sojourned.
    
28. And the days of Isaac were an hundred and fourscore years.
    
29. And Isaac gave up the ghost, and died, and was gathered unto his people, being old and full of days: and his sons Esau and Jacob buried him.

1. Dammit god, he just got settled down somewhere, and now you intend to make him leave again?
   
   
   
2. There has been no decree that other gods are bad yet, so why the demand to put any others away?
   
   
3. It’s still funny that Jacob didn’t really worship this god at first.
   
   
   
4. He buried these gods along side the corpses of the city his children slaughtered?
   
   
   
5. Given their propensity for violence, it’s no wonder they’d ignore these vagabonds.
   
   
   
6. Woo.
   
   
   
7. Didn’t he already build an altar here in chapter 28?
   
   
   
8. Why is Rebekah’s nurse here? Shouldn’t she be with old-man Isaac?
   
   
   
9. Just to confirm yet again that this guy is the chosen one, I guess.
   
   
10. Didn’t this already happen? I suspect the writers are getting timelines mixed up. Let’s watch and see if they remember to change the name this time.
    
11. blah blah blah. The author can’t get over repeating this so much. We get it already.
    
    
    
12. Yeah, sure, you think Jacob is special, we know already.
    
    
13. Does he ascend to heaven in front of Jacob?
    
14. This already happened back in chapter 28 as well. The authors really like redoing things.
    
    
15. This also happened in Chapter 28. Can’t the authors keep it together?
    
16. Forcing your wife to travel while pregnant is apparently a thing that is allowed in the bible. There will be no consequences for doing this, right? Right??
    
17. It seems like god could have seen this would be happening and put the trip off for a month or two.
    
18. Does this mean god indirectly killed Rachel through forcing a march while she was pregnant, knowing full well she’d give birth in a bad environment?
    
19. Oh look, a town name. We’ll probably be seeing something about it later.
    
20. aight.
    
    
21. Note the sudden name change. It comes out of nowhere.
    
22. So… Jacobs son is doing the same concubine that Jacob is? Apparently this is approved of because there are no consequences of this. Note the name change back to Jacob again.
    
23. 6 boys. 1 Girl isn’t mentioned because apparently she doesn’t matter.
    
    
24. 2 boys.
    
25. 2 boys
    
    
26. 2 boys. 12 boys altogether to set up the whole “twelve tribes of Israel” thing coming later.
    
    
27. Why did they head here though? They were told to go to Bethel.
    
    
    
28. 180 for those curious. Still not respecting Genesis 6:3.
    
29. Oh no, not Isaac, he was so old and did so many things off-screen that I really came to care about him!
    …not.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 33

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 35

1. And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land.
   
2. And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her.
   
3. And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel.
   
4. And Shechem spake unto his father Hamor, saying, Get me this damsel to wife.
   
5. And Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter: now his sons were with his cattle in the field: and Jacob held his peace until they were come.
   
6. And Hamor the father of Shechem went out unto Jacob to commune with him.
   
7. And the sons of Jacob came out of the field when they heard it: and the men were grieved, and they were very wroth, because he had wrought folly in Israel in lying with Jacob’s daughter: which thing ought not to be done.
   
8. And Hamor communed with them, saying, The soul of my son Shechem longeth for your daughter: I pray you give her him to wife.
   
9. And make ye marriages with us, and give your daughters unto us, and take our daughters unto you.
   
10. And ye shall dwell with us: and the land shall be before you; dwell and trade ye therein, and get you possessions therein.
    
11. And Shechem said unto her father and unto her brethren, Let me find grace in your eyes, and what ye shall say unto me I will give.
    
12. Ask me never so much dowry and gift, and I will give according as ye shall say unto me: but give me the damsel to wife.
    
13. And the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father deceitfully, and said, because he had defiled Dinah their sister:
    
14. And they said unto them, We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that were a reproach unto us:
    
15. But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised;
    
16. Then will we give our daughters unto you, and we will take your daughters to us, and we will dwell with you, and we will become one people.
    
17. But if ye will not hearken unto us, to be circumcised; then will we take our daughter, and we will be gone.
    
18. And their words pleased Hamor, and Shechem Hamor’s son.
    
19. And the young man deferred not to do the thing, because he had delight in Jacob’s daughter: and he was more honourable than all the house of his father.
    
20. And Hamor and Shechem his son came unto the gate of their city, and communed with the men of their city, saying,
    
21. These men are peaceable with us; therefore let them dwell in the land, and trade therein; for the land, behold, it is large enough for them; let us take their daughters to us for wives, and let us give them our daughters.
    
22. Only herein will the men consent unto us for to dwell with us, to be one people, if every male among us be circumcised, as they are circumcised.
    
23. Shall not their cattle and their substance and every beast of their’s be our’s? only let us consent unto them, and they will dwell with us.
    
24. And unto Hamor and unto Shechem his son hearkened all that went out of the gate of his city; and every male was circumcised, all that went out of the gate of his city.
    
25. And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah’s brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males.
    
26. And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem’s house, and went out.
    
27. The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister.
    
28. They took their sheep, and their oxen, and their asses, and that which was in the city, and that which was in the field,
    
29. And all their wealth, and all their little ones, and their wives took they captive, and spoiled even all that was in the house.
    
30. And Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, Ye have troubled me to make me to stink among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites: and I being few in number, they shall gather themselves together against me, and slay me; and I shall be destroyed, I and my house.
    
31. And they said, Should he deal with our sister as with an harlot?

1. A single woman traveling all by herself? This can’t end well. I mean, it could, but come on, this is the bible!
   
2. At least there’s no attempt to rationalize that she enjoyed it like idiots do to rape victims today.
   
3. Oh how sweet, he fell in love with the girl that he raped.
   
   
4. That seems quite chauvinistic if you ask me, doesn’t she get a say in the matter?
   
5. I’d be pressing charges personally. Is there no legal system in the land yet?
   
   
   
6. Looks like it’s the fathers talking to try resolve this rather than Shechem.
   
7. Did everyone come out to listen?
   
   
   
   
   
   
8. Doesn’t Dinah get a say in this at all? Seriously… Women have been treated like literal objects so far throughout this entire book.
   
9. There doesn’t seem to be any reason not to do this anyways.
   
   
10. I thought Jacob was in Canaan, which was theoretically given to his father, and therefore, all of his descendents.
    
11. At least this guy is doing what he can to try make things right as best he knew.
    
    
    
12. AKA: Dad told me I messed up and told me to say this to try make this right with you people who showed up on our land.
    
13. AKA: Jacob’s sons are going to be dicks after this legitimately honest attempt to make things right.
    
14. They decide to choose a small thing that really doesn’t matter…
    
    
    
15. …and tell them that all will be right if they just do that.
    
    
16. Seriously, look at these men go. They must be some sort of wizards. Turning women into objects left and right!
    
    
17. Overall not a terrible counter offer, but, as we know, this isn’t really going to happen due to the foreshadowing earlier.
    
18. They bought it hook line and sinker.
    
    
19. AKA: Shechem takes care of business immediately so he can get down to the business of doing a woman that he recently raped.
    
20. Time to call a meeting of the elders.
    
    
    
21. AKA: Now hear me out now… what I’m about to say is strange, but… these people are fine. We just need to do one little thing to be friends with them….
    
    
    
22. …and that is, chopping off a small part of your dick. From everyone here…
    
    
    
23. …deal? It sounds like they’re swell overall.
    
    
    
    
24. Strangely, everyone was ok with it. These people have kept their end of the bargain, let’s go check in with Jacob’s kids.
    
    
25. Looks like they’re… massacring everyone for upholding their end of the bargain? These ruffians lack honor!
    
    
    
26. Again… did Dinah have any say in this? Was she ok with Shechem? Did she want to leave? Did she want to stay?
    
27. I thought they were already there.
    
    
    
28. AKA: Pillage everything
    
    
    
29. And take all the women and children to be slaves, sexual or otherwise.
    
    
30. AKA: You done messed up. Everyone is going to try kill us now.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
31. Good question, but shouldn’t you honor your end of the bargain you made?

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 32

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 34

1. And Jacob lifted up his eyes, and looked, and, behold, Esau came, and with him four hundred men. And he divided the children unto Leah, and unto Rachel, and unto the two handmaids.
   
2. And he put the handmaids and their children foremost, and Leah and her children after, and Rachel and Joseph hindermost.
   
3. And he passed over before them, and bowed himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother.
   
4. And Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him: and they wept.
   
5. And he lifted up his eyes, and saw the women and the children; and said, Who are those with thee? And he said, The children which God hath graciously given thy servant.
   
6. Then the handmaidens came near, they and their children, and they bowed themselves.
   
7. And Leah also with her children came near, and bowed themselves: and after came Joseph near and Rachel, and they bowed themselves.
   
8. And he said, What meanest thou by all this drove which I met? And he said, These are to find grace in the sight of my lord.
   
9. And Esau said, I have enough, my brother; keep that thou hast unto thyself.
   
10. And Jacob said, Nay, I pray thee, if now I have found grace in thy sight, then receive my present at my hand: for therefore I have seen thy face, as though I had seen the face of God, and thou wast pleased with me.
    
11. Take, I pray thee, my blessing that is brought to thee; because God hath dealt graciously with me, and because I have enough. And he urged him, and he took it.
    
12. And he said, Let us take our journey, and let us go, and I will go before thee.
    
13. And he said unto him, My lord knoweth that the children are tender, and the flocks and herds with young are with me: and if men should overdrive them one day, all the flock will die.
    
14. Let my lord, I pray thee, pass over before his servant: and I will lead on softly, according as the cattle that goeth before me and the children be able to endure, until I come unto my lord unto Seir.
    
15. And Esau said, Let me now leave with thee some of the folk that are with me. And he said, What needeth it? let me find grace in the sight of my lord.
    
16. So Esau returned that day on his way unto Seir.
    
17. And Jacob journeyed to Succoth, and built him an house, and made booths for his cattle: therefore the name of the place is called Succoth.
    
18. And Jacob came to Shalem, a city of Shechem, which is in the land of Canaan, when he came from Padanaram; and pitched his tent before the city.
    
19. And he bought a parcel of a field, where he had spread his tent, at the hand of the children of Hamor, Shechem’s father, for an hundred pieces of money.
    
20. And he erected there an altar, and called it EleloheIsrael.

1. Oh look, the name change has been completely forgotten already. The authors of genesis are terrible at keeping their plot points relevant and together. Case in point, this entire chapter.
   
2. But why? Why go through all this trouble?
   
   
   
   
3. I thought Esau wanted to kill Jacob based on chapter 27? These authors suck.
   
   
4. But why? This doesn’t fit any of the narrative. The authors of this suck at resolving conflict.
   
5. I wonder if there was any trouble figuring out that Jacob has kids from 4 different women.
   
   
   
6. But why?
   
   
   
7. But why? They never explain why they do this.
   
   
   
8. AKA: Why did you think I was going to kill you, despite, ya know, the call to murder you in chapter 27.
   
9. Esau has really chilled out in the years Jacob was gone
   
10. Is this Jacob trying to make up for being such a dick so many years ago?
    
    
    
    
    
11. Looks like Esau gets a blessing afterall.
    
    
    
    
12. Who said this? Damn the authors and their lack of definite articles.
    
13. Overall a fairly reasonable request. I presume this is Jacob speaking.
    
    
    
    
14. Why so formal with your brother?
    
    
    
    
    
15. Esau leaves some of the 400 people that were with him here. How will they be fed? Jacob wasn’t planning for this.
    
    
16. Shows up and exists immediately, like any good character that we don’t care about.
    
17. I really don’t care about this place name… especially since Jacob leaves it in the next verse.
    
    
18. Cool story bruh.
    
    
    
    
19. Interestingly, we have no idea how valuable these pieces of money would have been. Was that a lot? Was it a paltry sum? No clue whatsoever.
    
20. Bah, stop naming everything. We really don’t care.

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 31

Genesis Annotated: Chapter 33

1. And Jacob went on his way, and the angels of God met him.
   
2. And when Jacob saw them, he said, This is God’s host: and he called the name of that place Mahanaim.
   
3. And Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau his brother unto the land of Seir, the country of Edom.
   
4. And he commanded them, saying, Thus shall ye speak unto my lord Esau; Thy servant Jacob saith thus, I have sojourned with Laban, and stayed there until now:
   
5. And I have oxen, and asses, flocks, and menservants, and womenservants: and I have sent to tell my lord, that I may find grace in thy sight.
   
6. And the messengers returned to Jacob, saying, We came to thy brother Esau, and also he cometh to meet thee, and four hundred men with him.
   
7. Then Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed: and he divided the people that was with him, and the flocks, and herds, and the camels, into two bands;
   
8. And said, If Esau come to the one company, and smite it, then the other company which is left shall escape.
   
9. And Jacob said, O God of my father Abraham, and God of my father Isaac, the Lord which saidst unto me, Return unto thy country, and to thy kindred, and I will deal well with thee:
   
10. I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies, and of all the truth, which thou hast shewed unto thy servant; for with my staff I passed over this Jordan; and now I am become two bands.
    
11. Deliver me, I pray thee, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau: for I fear him, lest he will come and smite me, and the mother with the children.
    
12. And thou saidst, I will surely do thee good, and make thy seed as the sand of the sea, which cannot be numbered for multitude.
    
13. And he lodged there that same night; and took of that which came to his hand a present for Esau his brother;
    
14. Two hundred she goats, and twenty he goats, two hundred ewes, and twenty rams,
    
15. Thirty milch camels with their colts, forty kine, and ten bulls, twenty she asses, and ten foals.
    
16. And he delivered them into the hand of his servants, every drove by themselves; and said unto his servants, Pass over before me, and put a space betwixt drove and drove.
    
17. And he commanded the foremost, saying, When Esau my brother meeteth thee, and asketh thee, saying, Whose art thou? and whither goest thou? and whose are these before thee?
    
18. Then thou shalt say, They be thy servant Jacob’s; it is a present sent unto my lord Esau: and, behold, also he is behind us.
    
19. And so commanded he the second, and the third, and all that followed the droves, saying, On this manner shall ye speak unto Esau, when ye find him.
    
20. And say ye moreover, Behold, thy servant Jacob is behind us. For he said, I will appease him with the present that goeth before me, and afterward I will see his face; peradventure he will accept of me.
    
21. So went the present over before him: and himself lodged that night in the company.
    
22. And he rose up that night, and took his two wives, and his two womenservants, and his eleven sons, and passed over the ford Jabbok.
    
23. And he took them, and sent them over the brook, and sent over that he had.
    
24. And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.
    
25. And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob’s thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him.
    
26. And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.
    
27. And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob.
    
28. And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.
    
29. And Jacob asked him, and said, Tell me, I pray thee, thy name. And he said, Wherefore is it that thou dost ask after my name? And he blessed him there.
    
30. And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: for I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.
    
31. And as he passed over Penuel the sun rose upon him, and he halted upon his thigh.
    
32. Therefore the children of Israel eat not of the sinew which shrank, which is upon the hollow of the thigh, unto this day: because he touched the hollow of Jacob’s thigh in the sinew that shrank.

1. Gotta reaffirm that he’s the protagonist again?
   
2. Again, why do the authors seem so intent on naming everything? It’s getting old.
   
   
3. Probably a good thing to do. Esau was either wanting to kill or something depending on which chapter you believe.
   
4. Is Jacob preparing to send himself into some more slavery?
   
   
   
5. AKA: I have all these things, please don’t kill me?
   
   
   
6. Looks like Esau took it to be a challenge.
   
   
   
   
7. I suppose that could work if Esau is an idiot.
   
   
   
   
8. Sounds like a terrible bargain for whichever gets wiped out.
   
   
9. You’re the chosen one or something, stop your whining. You’re really not that important.
   
   
   
10. Blah blah blah so humble, blah blah blah mercy, blah blah blah save me.
    
    
    
    
11. I wish Jacob would stop being so damn melodramatic. First he though Laban would kill him, and he didn’t. Now Esau? Jacob is the main character. As if.
    
12. blah blah blah blah. Stop yammering on.
    
    
    
13. Apparently bribing someone who might be trying to kill you is a good thing to do now?
    
    
14. That’s a lot of animals. I still say Laban would have had none of this.
    
15. And the animal list continues.
    
    
    
16. Preparing to send forth servants now too… when did Jacob get servants?? I thought this was a journey of his wife and children.
    
    
    
17. AKA: “Hey, you know that potentially murdery brother of mine? Walk up with more wealth than most people in the area and say hi.”
    
    
18. Sounds like advertising his location to Esau, the opposite of what he was trying to do earlier.
    
19. This is nearly repetitious
    
    
    
    
20. Yeah, we get it. Stop repeating yourself.
    
    
    
    
    
21. Servants gotta travel all night while tired, but he doesn’t have to. Got it.
    
22. Are they trying to be sneaky or something?
    
    
    
    
23. Not nearly as dramatic as George Washington crossing the deleware.
    
24. Where did this man come from? Did his wife and children just sit by idly and watch?
    
    
25. That sounds painful… how much of an absolute badass would he have to be to keep on wrestling after that?
    
    
26. Who says what to who? There is nothing to indicate who says what.
    
    
27. This couldn’t have been asked earlier?
    
    
28. Guess what? Literally no one ever calls him this, nor does the bible ever refer to him as this. (In)consistency at it’s finest!
    
    
29. Well… asking the name of the guy you just spent the night with seems like a decent thing to do.
    
    
30. There is no indication that anything mystical happened here. Why does he think this?
    
31. How did it halt there? Sensually caressing it? Describe in excruciating detail now!
    
32. This… is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard. Have you ever considered NOT eating other humans instead of making up a story to rationalize not eating a specific part of a human?