Chapter Overview
God gets really worried about humans dying out (thanks to someone killing off almost everything) and tells everyone to get their jiggy on and start multiplying asap. So much so that he repeats it twice here. Noah is then seen sleeping drunk and naked by his son. Noah, somehow, knows exactly who saw him asleep and naked, and promptly drops a curse on Ham because seeing others naked is bad for some reason.
Additional thoughts
I’m really not sure why this has pushed such an anti-nudity agenda this whole time. Did the author really hate his body or something? There’s nothing inherently wrong with being naked. If there were, we’d be committing crimes every time we take a shower.
The whole Clean vs Unclean animals thing (which was dropped from this chapter) is a good indicator that this was compiled much much later rather than a faithful retelling of actual history. Clean vs Unclean animals aren’t explained until way later on.
The Scientific/logic/sequence mistakes in this chapter
- If this happened, there would be genetic evidence of a huge population bottleneck and genetic diseases would be very common. (Genesis 2 – Genesis 9)
- Repeats Genesis 1:28 (Genesis 9:1, 9:7)
- Animals evolved to fear humanity. Those staying far away from humans lived the longest (Genesis 9:2)
- Many people kill other people and don’t die from other humans (Genesis 9:6)
- This covenant has already been made (Genesis 9:1, Genesis 6:18)
- Rainbows are a naturally explainable phenomenon, not magic (Genesis 9:13)
- Many clouds don’t have rainbows (Genesis 9:14)
- All plant life would have died too, finding seeds would be impossible (Genesis 9:20)
Chapter 9: Honey, everyone’s dead. Let’s have kids!
AKA: Now you see me, now you’re cursed.
- And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.
- And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every fowl of the air, upon all that moveth upon the earth, and upon all the fishes of the sea; into your hand are they delivered.
- Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things.
- But flesh with the life thereof, which is the blood thereof, shall ye not eat.
- And surely your blood of your lives will I require; at the hand of every beast will I require it, and at the hand of man; at the hand of every man’s brother will I require the life of man.
- Whoso sheddeth man’s blood, by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God made he man.
- And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein.
- And God spake unto Noah, and to his sons with him, saying,
- And I, behold, I establish my covenant with you, and with your seed after you;
- And with every living creature that is with you, of the fowl, of the cattle, and of every beast of the earth with you; from all that go out of the ark, to every beast of the earth.
- And I will establish my covenant with you, neither shall all flesh be cut off any more by the waters of a flood; neither shall there any more be a flood to destroy the earth.
- And God said, This is the token of the covenant which I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations:
- I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.
- And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud:
- And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh.
- And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth.
- And God said unto Noah, This is the token of the covenant, which I have established between me and all flesh that is upon the earth.
- And the sons of Noah, that went forth of the ark, were Shem, and Ham, and Japheth: and Ham is the father of Canaan.
- These are the three sons of Noah: and of them was the whole earth overspread.
- And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard:
- And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent.
- And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without.
- And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father’s nakedness.
- And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him.
- And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren.
- And he said, Blessed be the Lord God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.
- God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.
- And Noah lived after the flood three hundred and fifty years.
- And all the days of Noah were nine hundred and fifty years: and he died.
- Didn’t all humans already have this blessing/command since Genesis 1:28?
- So this is why animals are scared of us. And here I always thought it was because we hunt and kill things down crazy fast. Silly me. Animals in remote locations haven’t gotten the memo though… strange…
- Was everyone Vegan before now? Drops the clean/unclean distinction here too.
- Tribal societies who thrive on drinking lots of blood would like to disagree.
- At least he gives out a few rules this time instead of letting them run free without guidance.
- So… is he going to punish Solomon? David? A lot of men kill men on god’s orders. Punish them! God also kills a lot of men.
- Genesis 1:28 redux, because it wasn’t already clear enough.
- Ok. Speak already.
- I though this already happened in Genesis 6:18
- So god values non-human lives too, apparently.
- No killing everyone with a flood and no flooding the entire earth again. That leaves a LOT of other ways to kill everything.
- Definitely values animals too. They’re in on this covenent.
- Rainbows have always been a thing. They happen due to how light travels through water in the air. Can we get a real symbol?
- I’ve seen plenty of clouds without rainbows.
- Why does god need a symbol to remember this? Is he getting some Alzheimer’s in his old age? More proof that omnipotence was never intended to be a thing?
- It looks like this symbol is more for god’s sake than mans. Also, the rainbow is not in the cloud.
- Not plants or sea creatures though. They apparently don’t matter here.
- Check out Joshua for how being a Canaanite pans out. Hint: It’s not good.
- At least this time there’s more than one woman.
- Where did he get these seeds? All plantlife should have died.
- First mention of complete drunkenness in the bible.
- Sounds like he wasn’t sure what to do. Maybe just cover him up? Draw a face with his dick for a nose?
- Seriously, why are these people so ashamed of being naked? It’s almost like this entire narrative was written by someone who has severe body dysmorphia issues.
- How did he know and what did he think he did… covered him up?
- Curses his own son for getting people to cover him up. Some gratitude.
- Why? He wouldn’t know who covered him up. He was asleep.
- See notes for 25 and 26
- We get it, we get it. He’s old.
- AKA 79 years if lunar months. If not, remember 120 years from Gen 6:3?
Additional notes
The explanation for a rainbow being god’s symbol of “not going to destroy the earth by flooding” is a pre-scientific attempt at explaining where rainbows come from. Water in the atmosphere will cause rainbows due to how light refracts through it, not that the writer at the time would have known this. That’s quite an opportunity god missed to impart some universal truth that would lend some credence to this book. It’s almost like this was written by people who were just making stuff up to try explain things about the world around them.
It’s weird that Noah, the guy who was good enough to be saved from the flood, becomes an alcoholic here. Especially when alcoholism to the point of drunkenness becomes looked down upon later.
Ham seeing his father naked is met with a unilaterally terrible response that will lead to the deaths of thousands of people. All because Noah is a pretentious prick who has no chill. Then again, the primary father figure in the bible so far has been just as much lacking in chill. Maybe it’s a learned behaviour?